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she can't forgive herself

At Fang Yichen's funeral, Su Luoyan met Mei Xiaoyuan. Mei Xiaoyuan had always stood outside. After hearing something happened to Fang Yichen, she still felt very sad. Even if the two of them were not destined to be together, the sweetness of the past still made people unable to help but recall it. No one around knew her, and she didn't need to appear in everyone's sight, but the loneliness in her heart arose so naturally.

She didn't know that Su Luoyan had recovered her memory, but she believed that Su Luoyan must know everything that happened before. However, she did not look at Su Luoyan. The man she once loved deeply could be like a stranger, but now it is apart from yin and yang, and time is so hurrying.

When Su Luoyan turned around, she saw Mei Xiaoyuan standing there. She was still so graceful and elegant, wearing exquisite and elegant makeup, but there was something sad between her eyebrows and eyes. Su Luoyan didn't know why Mei Xiaoyuan appeared here, but there must be a reason for her appearance.

She walked towards Mei Xiaoyuan, neither of them spoke, but just looked at each other quietly. Between them, there was the entanglement between two men. If Su Luoyan had not appeared, Mei Xiaoyuan should have not missed too far with Fang Yichen. If Mei Xiaoyuan had not existed, Su Luoyan should have gone further with Leng Yunhao. This is fate. Once many things are reversed, they will not be able to change.

"You are here too." Su Luoyan stood beside Mei Xiaoyuan, still staring at the tombstone that had just risen. The one lying there was her husband. Even if it was just a nominal couple, the man had a relationship with her in the world. She didn't have time to think about what happened recently, but she felt that there was too much congestion in her heart.

"Is it a surprise?" Mei Xiaoyuan also looked faint. Her eyes fell on the tombstone, and the three words on it were familiar to her. Even if she didn't love them, she still felt shocked and surprised when she saw those three words again. She thought again, what changed this fate? Is it God playing tricks, or is it that people are too naive to understand God's arrangements?

"Nothing is good. I believe you and Yichen know each other. If you come, he will definitely be very happy." Su Luoyan said distantly. After dealing with these things, she will leave. No matter what kind of entanglements there are between these people, she just wants to let go now, taking the child away from the hustle and bustle alone.

"Of course, when I met him, you didn't know where you were. I just didn't know if Yichen mentioned his first love to you." Mei Xiaoyuan looked at Su Luoyan with a meaningful smile. Even if she was destined to be a loser, she had to maintain the arrogance in her heart.

"I know, you give Yichen a watch, and he has always worn it on his hands. I guess this should be very important to him." Su Luoyan ignored the arrogance in Mei Xiaoyuan's tone. She just stated such a fact very gently. Of course, she did not tell Mei Xiaoyuan that her fate with Fang Yichen was because of the appearance of that watch.

A trace of surprise appeared on Mei Xiaoyuan's face. Not long ago, Fang Yichen denied everything. He said that he was in love with her just to play, and he said that he had never loved her at all. Mei Xiaoyuan at that time was very depressed and even very aggrieved. Even if she was not loved now, she could not deny her previous love.

But this man easily denied everything. She hated that this man deceived her feelings, and she believed it foolishly, and then rushed back thousands of miles to renew this fate. So, after Fang Yichen said such heartless words, she began to erase the traces of this man's past in her memory.

She didn't expect that this man had always cherished the watch she gave him. She didn't expect that this man was actually a disagreement. Such beautiful things in the past could not be erased with just one sentence or two denied. She clearly remembered Fang Yichen's hot eyes, but why did she remember nothing at that time?

Are people always like this, often denying themselves and rejecting others? At least Mei Xiaoyuan was shocked by what Su Luoyan said at this time. She looked carefully at the grave of Zhen Fang Yichen not far away, and the newly erected tombstone, which clearly stated his name on it.

"Actually, Yichen has always loved you very much. It's just that he doesn't want to admit it. I'm actually nothing with him, I just maintained a nominal marriage. If you came back earlier, maybe you were the one who walked happily with him. Sorry, I was the one who harmed him."

Su Luoyan was still so calm. She didn't want to use too much language to express her mood about what happened before. She had reached this point. There was nothing else left in her heart except guilt. How great would it be if everything could be started again? She thought that Fang Yichen knew that Mei Xiaoyuan would come back one day, then he would definitely wait.

Mei Xiaoyuan was silent. This was the most shocking words she had ever heard. Although these words did not come from Fang Yichen, she believed them deeply. If he really didn't love himself, then there was no need to cherish an inexpensive watch. If he really didn't love himself, there was no need to go around asking for information about him.

In the past, she would complain in her heart that Fang Yichen had not waited for her well, and actually married and had children with an ordinary woman like Su Luoyan. But now, she seems to understand this man. Everyone is afraid of the cold and longing for warmth. At that time, Fang Yichen must have been extremely cold. He just longed to get close to a ball of fire, and he chose Su Luoyan.

As for whether he had loved Su Luoyan, Mei Xiaoyuan didn't want to pursue this issue. It's been so long since time had passed, and it would be meaningless to be petty. A string in her heart was easily teased, reaching an unparalleled level. She didn't know what was going on with her, and her heart was already in chaos at this moment.

Tears flowed out from her eyes, and the tenderness in her heart was easily touched. Even if she no longer loved her, she still loved her deeply.

At this time, Leng Yunhao walked towards this side. When he saw Mei Xiaoyuan and Su Luoyan standing together, he felt worried. The woman was so scary that she had hurt Su Luoyan once. He said that if she dared to get close to Su Luoyan, then he would definitely kill her.

"What are you doing here? Leave immediately now." Leng Yunhao appeared in front of Mei Xiaoyuan and shouted sternly. He did not allow this woman to approach Su Luoyan, nor did she allow her to use any tricks to hurt Su Luoyan. Mei Xiaoyuan slowly turned her eyes on Leng Yunhao. This excellent man has now pointed his finger at her for Su Luoyan.

"Yunhao, don't worry, I won't hurt Luo Yan. I'm just saying goodbye to her. I'll go back to the UK in a few days and will never disturb your life again." Mei Xiaoyuan reached out to wipe the tears at the corner of her eyes, and then a bleak smile appeared on her face. She didn't want to say anything more about what she was about to leave.

This seems to be a farce. If she hadn't come back from the UK, then she still had a beautiful memory. But when she came back, she did a lot of stupid things, hurt Su Luoyan and Leng Yunhao. Now, the man she once loved the most has been buried underground, so should she leave with satisfaction?

"Xiaoyuan, don't say that. We have always been good friends, aren't we? You haven't done anything that hurts us, don't think that way." Su Luoyan reached out to hold Mei Xiaoyuan's hand. Even though there were so many misunderstandings between the two, she didn't want to give up such a friendship easily at this time.

"Luo Yan, thank you for saying this, but I have never treated you as a friend. Moreover, we two may not be friends. You have snatched away the two most important men in my life. I will not forgive you, nor do I want to bless you." Mei Xiaoyuan shook off Su Luoyan's hand, and a faint smile still appeared on her face.

Su Luoyan was stunned, not knowing what to say for a moment. Mei Xiaoyuan looked like this and made people feel distressed when they saw it. She knew that if it weren't for her appearance, then Mei Xiaoyuan could be with Fang Yichen. She was not a fool, so she had long seen that Mei Xiaoyuan was interesting to Leng Yunhao, at least Shen Yuqing had already agreed to Mei Xiaoyuan's existence.

How ignorant she should have been, blocking Mei Xiaoyuan's face and blocking this woman from pursuing happiness. Su Luoyan felt a little guilty in her heart. She felt that she should have told Mei Xiaoyuan earlier that she would leave. She was ready to hand Leng Yunhao into her hands.

"Xiaoyuan, shouldn't leave? Whether you hate me or blame me, don't leave in such a hurry, okay?" If Leng Yunhao hadn't stood there, she would have said everything she thought. However, she was worried that as soon as she spoke, Leng Yunhao would lose his mind again.

"It's my business to leave. I don't like this city, and there are no ones I like now in this city. So, you don't have to keep me hypocritically." When Mei Xiaoyuan said this, she glanced at Leng Yunhao with her eyes. This man had no interest in her words.

"Luoyan, don't waste quarrels with such people, let's go back." He reached out to put his hand on Su Luoyan's shoulder and left. For an arrogant and domineering woman, he felt that there was no need to waste quarrels. When Mei Xiaoyuan heard this, she felt a little lonely in her heart.

"Yunhao, okay don't say that? I'm all about to leave. I'll be very sad when you talk to me like this. Although you don't like me, I always like you. Although I don't like Luo Yan, I still hope that you two will live happily together. Su Luo Yan, you are not my friend, I have handed over all the two men I like. Now if you are not good to Leng Yunhao, I will never let you go."

Mei Xiaoyuan said seriously, and that expression that was teasing but shocking made people feel only pain in her heart. After she said that, she turned around and left without further staying. She left the painful back, which had been spreading in Su Luoyan's eyes. However, no one knew that when she turned around, the stubborn tears still slid down from the corner of her eyes. The two men she had finally fallen in love with were now about to disappear from her world forever.

"Luoyan, let's go, don't listen to what this crazy woman said. Do you have to believe me? You are the only one in my heart." Leng Yunhao held Su Luoyan's little hand and said seriously. He had never accepted Mei Xiaoyuan's wrong love, and he didn't know what was wrong with that woman.

If it was Lin Yuan Xianyu, then there was no need, at least in his opinion, this was meaningless. He would not be moved by a woman because of curiosity. He would not be obsessed with this woman because of Mei Xiaoyuan's mother. He lived for himself, and his feelings must be controlled by himself.

"Yunhao, okay, don't say that Xiaoyuan? She is actually not easy. You go back first, I want to stay here alone for a while." Su Luoyan looked up at Leng Yunhao and said softly. There were too many things happening, and she seemed to have no time to sort out her thoughts.

Fang Yichen chose such a way to break away, which made her fall into a guilty mood. She has always blamed herself. If she had not said such a heartless thing that day, then Fang Yichen would definitely not have done such a move. Seeing Mr. Fang’s old look, the pain in her heart would have been spreading.

She didn't know about Mei Xiaoyuan and Fang Yichen before, but just now, she realized that Mei Xiaoyuan was Fang Yichen's first love, but because of her existence, this former lover also missed it. She didn't know what she did, which made so many people change because of her.

There is also Leng Yunhao. If she hadn't appeared at the beginning, then Leng Yunhao and Su Ruolin must have lived happily. A person like her is a broom star and should have stayed in prison for life. She is Pandora on earth. As long as she appears, bad luck will appear there.

This is not the result she wants. Seeing that the people around her become so unhappy because of their existence, she felt guilty in her heart. She didn't ask too much, but just hoped that they would not change because of their existence. She cherished so much wrong love, but she did not have enough courage to take it over.

"Okay, I'll wait for you outside." Leng Yunhao said, taking off his coat and putting it on Su Luoyan's shoulder. Seeing this thin woman haggard and looking like she is now, he felt very uncomfortable. He wanted to with her to endure such pain, but his existence seemed to be a pain for her. He could only stand aside from a distance, walk forward when she needed it, and then send blessings to her.

Su Luoyan stood there for a long time. She rarely had a common language with Fang Yichen. Even if the two got married, they rarely spoke. She stubbornly immersed in her own world and excluded him from the outside. But at that time, Fang Yichen could only wander outside the door. He was very kind to her and gave her the space and time she wanted, thinking that only in this way could Su Luoyan's love for him.

However, he didn't have the chance to wait until that day came, so his beautiful vision was over. Su Luoyan thought that it must have been his indifference that time that hurt Fang Yichen, otherwise, a handsome and sunny boy would not have become so moody.

It seems that feelings are really a terrible thing, sometimes they turn into sharp swords to hurt the people around them. She shouldn’t have agreed to Fang Yichen easily, and shouldn’t have used his sincerity because of his temporary kindness. She made this man pay such a great price because of her selfish thoughts.

Su Luoyan could not forgive herself and had a life of her life, which made the pain in her heart no longer hide. If she could think more about everything and repeating it again, then she would definitely choose to leave completely instead of approaching warmth because she was afraid of the cold.

Yichen, I decided to leave. Thank you for giving so much love to me. I am very grateful and grateful. It’s just that I hurt you, I can’t forgive myself. It’s all my fault, so let me accept such punishment alone. I won’t marry Yunhao, although I always want to be his bride in my heart, I hope you will be happier when you come to the world over there. Xiaoyuan actually always loves you very much, and you must remember her.

After this incident, Su Luoyan became much silent. Leng Yunhao could only accept her silence. He knew that even if there was no love between Su Luoyan and Fang Yichen, many things would change after they were together for a long time. Maomao followed Su Luoyan to Lin Xi's place, so now, Lin Xi's place has become the most lively place.

He was just waiting, waiting for the knot in Su Luoyan's heart to open one day. At that time, he must hold her hand and give Su Luoyan and Maomao a warm family. The kind of hopeful thoughts will make a person feel happy, so when Su Luoyan was about to find Shen Yuqing, he didn't notice it at all.

Shen Yuqing was a little surprised at Su Luoyan's visit. But she was a well-educated person and politely received Su Luoyan's arrival. But that kind of politeness and alienation always made people feel uncomfortable. She didn't like Su Luoyan. This woman carries too many things. She was a mother, afraid that this woman would eventually hurt her son.

"Luoyan, let Maomao go home. After all, he is the blood of the Leng family, so it is better to stay here. You have just experienced the pain of losing your father, so you should pay more attention to rest." Shen Yuqing's faint tone seemed to remind Su Luoyan intentionally or unintentionally that she should remember that she is a married person. Even if she gave birth to Leng Yunhao's child, Shen Yuqing still cannot accept this woman entering the Leng family's door.

She wants to maintain the reputation of the Leng family and retain the face of the Leng family. Even if this matter is a kind of harm to Leng Yunhao and Su Luoyan, she still wants to let this matter develop at this pace.

Su Luoyan sat there with a faint expression. When she decided to come to find Shen Yuqing, it was because she was ready to leave. She wanted to leave from this place and no longer stay with Leng Yunhao's side. She had hurt so many people, and she could no longer be the executioner.

"Aunt, I understand what you said. I'm sorry, I was ignorant before, so I caused you so much trouble. Maomao is my child. No matter how much he has to do with the Leng family, I will take him by my side. I hope you can understand this."

Su Luoyan said slowly. She had already thought about it when she came. No matter what Shen Yuqing thought, she would not hand over the maomao to anyone. That was her closest person in this world. Even if she was destined to suffer a lot in the future, she would have to take the child to endure it.

"How can that be? Maomao is the blood of the Leng family. I don't allow such a thing to happen. Luo Yan, you have to think about it for me, I only have a son like Yun Hao. I am so old that I can no longer afford to torture. I know that you have a good relationship with Yun Hao, but being together is not a problem that can be solved by having a good relationship."

Shen Yuqing frowned slightly and said. But Su Luoyan could only remain silent at this time. She still couldn't do such compromise and concession. She could give up Leng Yunhao and give up her love, but she could not even abandon her own flesh and blood. No matter what she had to experience, it was better than losing her close relatives.

"Auntie, don't worry, I'm here this time to say goodbye to you. I will leave in a few days. I won't let Yunhao find me. Maybe it's a mistake for me to know him, so don't continue. I will definitely take Maomao away. Please respect my choice. I will raise him to adulthood and will never let your expectations down."

Su Luoyan said solemnly. She had no intention of joking, nor could she give in. When she decided to walk alone, she had thought of all the retreat. Even if she loved Leng Yunhao again, many things had passed, then it would only be old things.

"Okay, since this is your choice, I can only respect it. Also, do Yun Hao know about this? You also know that Yun Hao is too concerned about feelings." Shen Yuqing's words were not finished. Su Luoyan knew what she wanted to express. She didn't say anything, but she had already understood it from the bottom of her heart.
Chapter completed!
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