When I was in a foreign country, I heard the news of their marriage, and my godmother told me that when Youyou's twins were born, I would come to accompany me if I had time.

I said, "Okay." Then I hung up the phone.

I am Lan Tian, ​​blue, quiet Tian.

When I was born, my parents specially asked my cousin who had been to college to name me. They said that I was very beautiful when I was born, not as wrinkled as other babies at all. So I was called Lan Tian. They wished me to live under the blue sky and be quiet and beautiful.

Before I was twenty-one, I did not let them down.

Although my family is in average, they all use me as a princess from my parents to my brother. I have been raising me as a princess since I was a child. My mother also wants to send me to learn dance and to be a child star. In short, my mother thinks that I am so beautiful, so she should be born on the stage.

I think so too.

But when I grow up, I realize that there are really many beautiful people. Beautiful people are the stepping stone to many things, and they may also be a stumbling block.

I am the most beautiful in our class, but I am definitely not the best one.

From the moment I saw Li Hua, I liked him. How could he be so handsome? I liked him not to talk, the curve of his smile, and his eyes on people are always faint, but it doesn't make people feel cold at all.

In order to get in touch with him frequently, I accepted Xue Jiazheng's favor. But I was not happy at all with Xue Jiazheng. I was under a lot of pressure. Every time I sat next to Xue Jiazheng and looked at Li Hua secretly, I felt shameless and annoying, and felt that he had no hope of liking me anymore.

Fortunately, he had a girlfriend at that time, and even if I was not next to Xue's family, he would not look at me carefully.

Then Youyou and I discovered Wang Yujie's secret. I also struggled with it. I hope Youyou can tell Li Hua that I hope Li Hua can break up, but Youyou didn't seem to have any plans to do so. So I lay in bed that day, and I finally sent a text message to Li Hua and told him what Youyou and I saw.

And in the text message, Yanci pretended to be innocent, indicating that I didn’t know what the situation was, Youyou might be clearer than me. He would send him this message, just a kind reminder.

Then Li Hua broke up with Wang Yujie. I broke up with the Xue Family. There is no need to explain too much about the reason.

I originally thought that we were all single, so we would have opportunities for development. But I found that Li Hua would not pay too much attention to me, even compared with Youyou and Yan Xiaochang, I would be more beautiful. I think maybe it was because I had been stamped by the Xue Family.

Later I realized that what Li Hua saw was Youyou. At that time, I wanted to be jealous of her, but I didn’t think it should be because we are the best friends, and it is a bad thing to be jealous of our best friends.

But subconsciously, I was actually always jealous and comparing, but I was not willing to face it myself.

I was so jealous when I saw Li Hua get drunk for Youyou that day. I think Youyou has too many things. She has filmed her and Li Hua is waiting. Why am I obviously more beautiful than her and I am obviously more popular, but I don’t have these real things.

So I was selfish.

Li Hua asked me to hand over his bracelet to Youyou, let Youyou choose it by yourself, or go to x city to accompany him when filming. I hid the bracelet. After hesitating for two days, I set off to x city.

I did this very inauthentic. But I wanted to fight for it once, but I thought that if I missed it, I might never have a chance again. Because they were going to graduate, they couldn't even meet after graduation, so it depends on this time if they succeed or not.

There was no ticket, so I waited for him outside the theater where he performed every day. He had a cold and a fever. I braved the heavy rain to buy medicine for him, borrowed the hotel owner's rice cooker, and cooked soup for him.

The cold was about to be cured, and he told me that I could leave, but I suddenly cried. Looking at my tears, he didn't say a word.

I said I like him and wanted to be with him, but he was still silent. I don’t know what Li Hua was thinking at that moment, but he was very haggard and unhappy.

He might have thought of Youyou and was angry with Youyou. I know why Youyou quarreled with him. Because they had different values ​​for life at that time, I catered to Li Hua. I said I understood his love for dance. I said I didn’t ask for anything, as long as I could see him often.

We were just confused together, but Li Hua was not enthusiastic about me at all. He always said to me, "You can go anytime you want to leave, don't worry about me, and I don't have time to take care of you."

After returning to City W, I said I was willing to help him wash clothes and I wanted to deliver food to him, but he didn't want to do anything, and he just let me participate in his life. I just let me go. But this kind of laissez-faire is different from letting you go. He let You go because he spoiled her and let me go because he didn't want to care at all.

From realizing that I have actually owned him only once so briefly, and it is not really owned.

I know that it will not last long with Li Hua, so in fact, I made the same choice as Youyou, with a future. Youyou filmed and I went to the talent show.

I really thought I could, everyone said I could, so I felt that I was born with it, that was what I deserve. I was too blind and stupid to accept the arrangements of the producers. I cooperated so much, so no one told me what was going to happen. They treated me as a smart person and thought I was just pretending to be stupid.

Actually, I'm really stupid.

When I woke up and looked at the strange man around me, I was scared, very scared. I didn’t know what I was afraid of, but this was really not what I thought.

Someone asked me, since this is already the case, why don’t I just accept the arrangements, then get a ranking, debut, and become a celebrity. In fact, I didn’t think about these issues at the time. I just suddenly realized that this was not what I wanted. I didn’t want to wake up every day, and I didn’t know who the man lying beside me was.

My star dream, that pure and stupid dream, was completely shattered.

Withdrawal is the only thing I have done in my life and I am proud of. It has to be said that it has the influence of Youyou, because we have talked about what attitude you should maintain if you encounter unspoken rules. Youyou said that you will not follow it if you beat me to death.

I think she is right.

So when I was helpless, I still wanted to find Youyou. But those two days, I was too dazed. I stood at the station in City W, and my phone ran out of power. I called Youyou but couldn't get through.

I didn't seem to be willing to wait for a second. At around nine o'clock, I looked at the people around me and didn't know if there were any bad people hiding inside. I didn't want to stay in a place where there were people. I wanted to see Youyou, tell her the matter, let her accompany me, enlighten me, and let her share the burden with me with the power of a good sister.

I have always been a person who relies very much on others, and even when I go shopping, I think it is a particularly terrifying thing.

I didn't think about anything, I got on a black three-wheeler.

I didn't want to recall the darkest encounter. In fact, after encountering that incident, I was in a daze for a long time. I had worried that Li Hua would not want me anymore, but my worries were not wrong at all, and I found that he really never belonged to me.

At that time, Youyou and Li Hua were together, and I didn’t blame them.

At that time, I didn't want to continue to torture at all. I just hope that what happened to me would never be known by others, and then let time erase them.

But I can't erase it. When the indecent photos were exposed, I collapsed.

After depression, I returned to work in W City. I first found a job, but it didn't go well. Beautifulness is never necessarily an absolute good thing. My colleagues will harass me, and the boss's excessive attentiveness will also make me feel that I have ulterior motives.

So Li Hua and Youyou took me in again.

I went to his mother's company. After a period of adaptation, I gradually recovered with the company of Li Hua and Xue Jiazheng. At that time, Youyou was filming outside and was very busy.

I still like Li Hua, just like Xue Jiazheng still likes me. But I think it would be great if I could look at him like this. He was just a polite attitude to me, and he was very busy and had no time to pay attention to me.

At that time, I really had no extravagant hopes for him. So when he broke up with Youyou and met again, I also hoped that they would make up. In fact, it was not a sincere hope, but I understood that their relationship had not changed at all. Reconciliation would probably be a matter of time sooner or later.

So I helped me, because of a little bit, I hope they remember my good mood. I don’t want to lose the good sister Youyou, nor do I want to lose the uncontested image I have built in Li Hua for so long.

Before Youyou came back, I felt that I was really doing well, and I was taken care of by them like a princess. When the real princess returns to the position, you, as a maid, even if you are more beautiful than a princess, so what, the princess is still a princess.

Later I had an accident and my uterus was gone.

I think my life was completely destroyed. I really don’t want to live anymore. Before I decided to take sleeping pills, I never thought that I could be saved. Those who can die will die if they say they die.

Before I died, I fulfilled my last wish and called Youyou to tell me about my hidden feelings for many years. I was just going to die, and I didn’t think about the feelings of living people, nor could I care about those things. I didn’t even think about what impact my phone call would have on Youyou and Li Hua.

Anyway, I am dead myself, and I am completely over.

But why didn’t I die? It would be great if I was so dead at that time.

Since then, I have collapsed. I can't control myself at all and have no control ability. I often do something wrong, such as in front of Youyou, without any concealing my feelings for Li Hua. Sometimes I suddenly wake up and feel that doing this is particularly wrong.

But I have never corrected it because I am awake for a moment. Most of the time, I am confused and relying on their kindness to treat me, and to do whatever I want.

I was so lucky that I drove Youyou away. I didn't feel happy either, because Li Hua ignored me or ignored me. He ignored me or not.

I always get used to pretending to be very well-behaved in front of my godmother. Maybe it's because I know that she is the only person who gives me the opportunity to get in touch with Li Hua. My godmother is also very nice to me. She used to be good because she really missed my beautiful goddaughter. Now she looks deliberate. Because she feels that she owes me what she is, she is very careful.

Many small details can actually touch me, and I am also very depressed. Why am I not crazy every day?

Later, because of Youyou, I had the opportunity to act and wanted to go because I felt that my incomplete body was no longer afraid of anything I suffered. I had nothing, so let me regain my original dream.

But after I regained it, I realized that my original dream was no longer a dream. I was like a person who had lost his soul. Nothing could really make me happy. The only thing that could make me excited was every time I saw Li Hua.

The Xue Family is married, and even the Xue Family is married. There is probably no one in the world who will marry me again. I didn’t expect Li Hua to marry me, but I have always regarded him silently as the most special man in my life.

Even if he doesn't marry me, he must stand for me in this position.

When I was in love, I was disliked, and I couldn't find any sense of happiness. People without happiness no longer knew what gratitude meant. I began to hate and began to numb myself.

After taking drugs, under the influence of the drug, my pessimistic and world-weary attitude became more and more obvious, and my personality became more and more irritable. I didn’t want to control myself anymore. I was not doing well, so I wanted all of them to watch with their own eyes that I was not doing well.

And these were not caused by them, but I don’t know why, but I seem to be punishing them with the use of ruining myself.

Occasionally, I have rationality and reflection, but it still just flashes by. Most of the time, I am influenced by a negative mentality. I give up and just want to make my heart feel a little more comfortable, and a day of happiness. If I die, it doesn’t matter to me.

In fact, at that time, I probably didn’t love Li Hua anymore. I didn’t even love myself, so who else do I love? I was just a pool of mud, a walking corpse, unwilling to get buried in the soil, and insisting on disgusting everyone.

Only during the days of drug rehabilitation can Li Hua be with me every day. He encouraged me to make me stronger and more willful. He said that he was with me and he would stay with me until I got better.

Is it true that only in this way can I keep him by my side? So I don’t even really want to quit. I hope it will quit a little slower, slower, I even hope that until I die, it will not quit, and then use this method to tie Li Hua up.

I had nothing left, and even the kind of sincere love that my godmother had at first, I actually lost my best friend. I just wanted to catch one point, and I thought this was to be kinder to myself.

At that time, I was probably a lunatic, a lunatic who was disliked and could not be left behind.

I went to find Youyou when I drank too much, and I wanted to find Youyou to confess. Sometimes, if I drank too much, my mind would be clearer than usual. I didn’t expect that I confessed that I was pitiful, but my original intention was not to impress Youyou and let her do anything for me.

But Youyou is tired because of my existence, she is too tired.

Li Hua and his godmother took me abroad. In a very beautiful London town, there is a small church here. We live near the church. Li Hua's mother often took me to the church. The three of us would sit side by side on the bench, closing our eyes and closing our hands to pray.

The heart gradually calmed down.

I looked at the man beside me with his eyes closed and focused. His face was calm and his heart was probably very calm. The fire of love was rekindled in my heart, but I also knew that he was like an iceberg to me, and I couldn't get close to me.

I wanted to give myself the last chance to ask him to promise me a wedding. He agreed. When the preparation was done, many things were done well. I thought I could only rely on these memories to go on like this. I have been married once in my life. What will happen in the future? Let's do it.

But the day before the wedding, he left. He stood at my door. The moonlight hit his thin face. There was not much apology on his face, but a kind of determination. He said, "I'm sorry Tiantian, I can't continue playing with you."

I nodded and closed the door, crying like rain on this side of the door.

After wiping away my tears, I will no longer miss Li Hua.
Chapter completed!