I haven't been able to contact Li Hua, and his phone number has been unreachable. Yan Xiaochang didn't know the situation either. She wasn't there for dinner that day, and I couldn't contact Li Hua after that.

Sometimes I wonder if Li Hua will die suddenly. I even think that if Li Hua really dies, it will be a relief for me. I am so tired from being tortured by him that I am so tired. I don't want to like him anymore.

No matter how deep the love is, it can't withstand the torment, and my liking for Li Hua probably doesn't reach the level of love.

Li Baitian basically didn’t ask me to attend any of his activities. He asked me to concentrate on preparing for the filming. He really helped me a lot this time. I called him that time and told him that he was going to try on makeup. There was another girl. Li Baitian gritted his teeth and said, "Hey grandson, why don't I have enough face?"

Therefore, my successful entry into the group this time was entirely dependent on Li Baitian's face.

After the long vacation, I couldn't find Lan Tian when I went back to school. She didn't come back to class. I wondered what happened to everyone around me. How could it be contagious if I went missing while playing?

In the evening, I called Lan Tian and said, "Tiantian, why didn't you go back to school?"

Lan Tian said: "Well, I'm in city x."

Why does this City Sounds familiar to me.

It seems that Li Hua went out to perform with a group this time and was going to several places, one of which included this city x.

But I didn't think about it that way.

Lan Tian told me that it was because of some family matters. I didn't think much about it and asked if I could ask for leave from school for her. She said no, she had already called the class teacher.

It is now very easy for Lan Tian and I to ask for leave from the class teacher. Ever since the class teacher gave me trouble, the two of us went to the class teacher every now and then to stuff us with goodies. And the stuff we stuffed was not good stuff, more than a dozen dollars worth of lipstick. Twenty yuan of perfume is enough to coax her.

"How are you?" Lan Tian asked.

"I will join the team next week and it's time for me to ask for leave."

We hung up the phone without saying a few words. I began to feel inexplicably that there seemed to be a distance between Lan Tian and I. I don’t know when it started. Obviously, it wasn’t from the time we went to audition together. But she didn't try the first one.

Maybe, is it since Li Baitian appeared? Or since Li Hua and I got closer?

My mind has been very confused recently, and I can no longer think clearly.

Distance is not necessarily a big deal. Sometimes friends just go from stage to stage. Aren’t many of the friends I had been with in junior high school and high school not to be in contact with each other in the end?

I don't know where our future will be, and where Lan Tian's future will be. But in comparison, I have a clearer situation than her.

I gradually began to get used to a life without Li Hua, and I also knew that he had never been everything in my life. Without him, I could even pretend that he had never appeared. Although this thought makes me a little heartbroken every time I think about it.

Later, I temporarily moved out of school and lived with the crew in a temporary residence in a county-level city below W City. The filming days were very busy. Even if I was not busy, I had to pretend that I was busy. Busy, I often urge people to give their best. state.

I looked at the actors I had seen on TV before, whether they were big names or just ordinary people, and looking at their sophisticated experience, I thought that one day I would become like them.

I just don’t know what kind of state of mind I will be in at that time.

Li Baitian came to visit the crew that day, and of course he didn't come specifically to see me. He knew the male lead, he knew the producers, and he also knew the cameramen. He probably had some free time and came here for a walk.

The sea breeze in May has a fishy smell, and Li Baitian has been in W City for so long, but he is still not used to this smell. I sat on the side to rest with a cup of Pangdahai, expressionless and melancholy.

I was filming a crying scene early this morning. It was about the memory of the little siren, watching my father being beaten to death with random sticks.

I need to cry and shout at the same time, and now my voice is almost hoarse.

Li Baitian touched my head, scratched my tear-soaked face with his fingers, and asked, "How is it?"

I took a sip of tea and said nothing.

He felt a little strange and smiled in amusement, "You are still in the play and can't you get out? Wake up, girl."

I was still in the scene and couldn't get out of it. It was mainly because I was too tired from filming the tough crying scenes. I was exhausted physically and mentally from crying. Then I started thinking about Li Hua's show.

I said: "Brother Tian, ​​you said that if you suddenly can't find a person, is it the same as if he suddenly died?"

"Can that be the same?"

"What's different?" I really don't understand. At this time, I haven't experienced real separation or death. Although my family is unfortunate, my parents are still alive.

Li Baitian told me: "Look, if you can't find a person, you can still think about where they are, what they are doing, and whether you remember me... But if you die,

, it’s like you hit a wall while thinking about it, and you can’t think about anything anymore. If the person is still alive, there are many possibilities, and each possibility is enough for you to think about it all night long. But if this person dies, what possibilities will there be?

All gone."

He may feel that he didn't speak clearly, or that he wanted to express something but couldn't express it in words. He smacked his lips and said, "It's just death, do you understand?"

I was confused, but I seemed to understand a little bit. It was rare to see Li Baitian talk about something so seriously, so I suddenly asked: "Brother Tian, ​​have you ever had a relative die?"

Li Baitian rolled his eyes at me and said exaggeratedly: "Yeah! My son's mother."

I just laughed and said, "Stop talking nonsense, your son is still waiting for you in kindergarten."

Li Baitian also laughed, thought of something, and asked, "Who is missing?"

I took back my smile, continued to feel melancholy, and said softly: "I can't find Li Hua. He said he would wait for me that day, but I didn't go. Then I couldn't find him."

I can't find Li Hua anymore, just like Li Hua suddenly couldn't find his father back then. He is really a biological father and son!

Li Baitian didn't ask specifically about the gossip between Li Hua and me today. He usually listens to other people's affairs for fun and doesn't take it seriously. Whether he listens or not depends on his mood.

Of course, I actually don’t want to say anything to Li Baitian, he already knows too much!

Li Baitian is gone, and I continue to feel melancholy.

I knew that Li Hua was definitely not dead, but I couldn't find him. It was probably because he didn't want me to find him, and he didn't want to talk to me. So I thought, how did I offend him, because I was accompanying the assistant director that day?

Did I let him go when I was eating? Or was it because I said something too harshly?

It's a bit heavy. I don't think I should use his monthly salary of 1,500 yuan to argue with him. Besides, it's just a basic salary, and there are performance fees for his performances. Will Li Hua have such a stubborn temper?

Do you think I'm looking down on him?

Also, what I said to him is that I will not risk my future to accompany him. But even if I think about it now, although I feel that I shouldn’t say it so bluntly, it is indeed a fact.

Even if I can be good with Li Hua today, who can guarantee how long it will last? Why should I let him support me? How long does he plan to support me? When one day he stops supporting me, will I not be dumbfounded? I have always believed that a woman wants to

To live with a sense of security, you must have the ability to settle down and live your life.

Where is he, what is he doing, does he miss me, what will happen to us in the future, is there any chance to apologize to him again?

Forget it, I think too much and don’t think about it anymore.

The filming of the crew is going very smoothly. Things are different now. It took three years to shoot a Dream of Red Mansions and four years to shoot a Journey to the West. Now the emphasis is on speed.

The filming in City W lasted for almost ten days. The beginning of the whole drama was basically over. There was no time to rest at all. I followed the crew to Hengdian to shoot a few more indoor scenes, including the part about the little siren.

Even if it's finished.

During this period, I didn't even have a chance to go back to school. I thought Li Hua had come back from other places, so I only called Lan Tian. She always seemed a little absent-minded and hesitant when talking to me. I didn't have time to be like before.

Talking on the phone endlessly is just that.

The reason I didn't find Li Hua right away was because I felt that since it had already been delayed for so long, I wasn't afraid of delaying it for a few more days. He didn't take the initiative to find me anyway, so who knows what he was thinking.

After returning from Hengdian, I tried to dial Li Hua's phone, but it was still turned off. I had sent him text messages before when I missed him particularly, but so far I have not received a text message reminder. He did not

Maybe the phone was shut down for such a long time for no reason. I suspect he changed his number.

Li Hua, do you plan to stop contacting me from now on? Can you really do that just pretending that you have never met me? How can you be so cruel after so many days...

When I went back to school, the girls in the dormitory were very excited when they saw me. They treated me like a big shot and asked me to talk about my filming experience. If I hadn't actually filmed it, I would have made as much fuss as they did. After filming, I was just a

I feel like I can sleep well.

Lan Tian came back, carrying a meal from the cafeteria. When he opened the door and saw me, he was stunned.

I walked towards her with a smile. She woke up and said with a smile: "You are back."

I always feel like something is weird, Lan Tian is weird, she seems to be thinking about other things all the time. Of course Lan Tian also asked me about my situation, tried to be as enthusiastic as possible, congratulated me, and wished me well.

Then she sat down in front of her seat and ate with her back to me. She ate very slowly without any movement. I was rummaging through my things in the dormitory. When there was no one else in the dormitory, Lan Tian packed up and ate only a few bites.

He turned his back to me and said, "Youyou, I went to city x some time ago."
Chapter completed!