Classic quotations:

1. Where did Prince Charming go? He must have ridden away on his white horse. Where did Cinderella go? Of course she fell into the ashes and could not be found.

2. It’s my wife’s birthday to show affection, but my wife is busy taking the mistress with her.

3. How could Lili, who was new to the world, know that this was a road of no return, and that this was a car that was difficult to get off after getting on it.

4. People are changing, Yan Niang thought. When you don’t find love, you search desperately for it. After you find love, you feel bored again. Human beings are really strange animals.

5. President Qian blamed Li Yi: "Brother, I'm wrong, this is not Nana, it's Tiantian."

Li Yi quickly changed his words: "Sorry, sorry, slip of the tongue, I accept the punishment, I accept the punishment! Tiantian is more beautiful, more beautiful!"

6. Xie Xinyao said: "You didn't come to my house specifically to visit, right?"

Lili: "Of course not." She took out the test sheet and handed it to Xie Xinyao, "I'm pregnant. It's your husband Li Yi's. What do you think we should do?"

7. Li Yi smiled disdainfully and said: "Isn't it difficult to get the test sheet? Just ask a doctor to write one. A country girl like her has no place in the city, so she wants to break it up."

Us, but how did she know that our relationship is like an iron wall? How is it possible? It’s a joke. It’s really fantastic. Such a person should not pity her. Not only does she not know how to repay her kindness, but she also wants to have a sweet dream. It’s really

You deserve to die!" He was filled with indignation.

8. Yan Niang thought: This is how men, in the face of women and interests, between lovers and families, mostly choose family interests.

9. The next procedure is massage and foot massage.

They really enjoy it. They are lying on comfortable chairs one by one, with beautiful beauties at their feet, half squatting, using their delicate hands to gently massage their feet. They also use Yan Yuying from time to time.

They asked loudly whether the intensity of pinching the feet was strong or light, and whether the temperature of the water was just right. Looking at these men again, some looked at the lady pinching the feet with lustful eyes, and sometimes said some provocative words; some were actually comfortable.

I have to fall asleep and start snoring.

10. These beauties are called beautiful: Willow eyebrows, almond-shaped eyes, a tall nose, and a small cherry mouth. An oval face, a touch of blush, and a charming figure. The body is neither tall nor short, neither fat nor thin. Slender but full of plumpness.

, plump with curves. She is more beautiful than Diao Chan, better than Xi Shi, shames Wang Zhaojun, and makes Yang Guifei angry to death.

Let’s look at the typical pervert views of these men, from head to toe, from hip to waist. They were speechless and dumbfounded. The tears flowed down for more than three feet, and the ground soon became soaked, submerging Yan Niang’s three-inch golden lotus.

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The most interesting thing is that these beautiful girls also have a waist tag with numbers on it: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight...

When Li Yi saw President Qian drooling, he handed him a napkin and motioned for him to wipe it off. Then he asked in a low voice: "What's the date?"

Only then did President Qian react: "It's all good! It's all good!"

Li Yi reminded him again: "Which one do you want?"

President Qian: “I want it all! I want it all!”

Damn it, so greedy, but Li Yi didn't say it out loud, and still asked President Qian patiently: "What number do you want?"

Now President Qian really understood, and he pointed at a number, which was number eight. Eight is good, eight means to send, and President Qian likes to send.

11. The monkey whose brain was eaten sued the Lord of Hell and won the case. The Lord of Hell agreed to the condition it proposed, which was to be reborn as a human being, but there was one condition: it would neither harm itself nor others, and be worry-free.

There is no worry, no pain, no sorrow. Therefore, Lord Yama doesn’t know what kind of person such a person is, and he has such a high destiny, so he gives Yan Niang a task to find such a person, and then inform the general manager, who will then tell Yan

My lord, let that annoying monkey reincarnate.

Yan Niang considered all the industries, but did not find the right answer, because all walks of life have certain troubles, and there is no profession that can meet the monkey's requirements. There is no way, Yan Niang plans to use the San Jie Tong mobile phone to access the San Jie website.

After checking, the result is that there is only one answer that meets the conditions: vegetative state.

12. There is nothing wrong with men loving women, but when there is a conflict between family affection and women, they will often choose family affection rationally.

13. This is why people in China want to go out, and people abroad want to come back. Once they go out, many people will regret it too late!

14. Li Yi thought to himself: If she is soft at this time, she will see through it, so Li Yi immediately pretended to be angry and raised his voice: "It's just you Mrs. Wang and Mrs. Li who are just ordinary old ladies who chew their tongues all day long! Mr. Dong's parents

The Xi family is short-tempered, gossiping, lest the world be in chaos. When will you learn to be as vulgar and unbearable as them? Your husband has a successful career, and they are jealous, so they gossip about you, create chaos, and want to cause some scandal about me.

, you didn’t have to think about it, you actually fell into their trap! Is your head filled with water or did you let the door squeeze it? "

Li Yi had a verbal quarrel for a while, which made Xie Xinyao put out the fire. She felt that everything Li Yi said was reasonable. Those people were just jealous that their husbands were better than them. They really almost fell into their trap.

Li Yi wanted to treat women softly when they should be soft, and hard when they should be hard. Women are like springs. If you are weak, she will be strong. If you are strong, she will be weak. If you cannot hold her, she will rebel.

15. They have been in love for decades, and they live and die together. The love between a husband and a concubine is hard to break, so they can hold hands and renew their fate in the next life.

16. I accidentally saved my granddaughter by releasing a turtle.

17. Yu Ziqian pretended to be polite and said: "The sweet wife laughs on the bed, and the waiter below the knee screams." It is also the joy of a family.

18. When I heard that I could sing three and a half lines, everyone felt fresh. So how to perform it.

The lyrics were written by Tieguai Li, and four performances were performed by Zhang Guolao, Lu Dongbin, Tieguai Li and He Xiangu. It started soon: the first line was by Zhang Guolao, the second line was by Lu Dongbin, and the third line was by Tieguai

Li, the last word was spoken by He Xiangu.

The flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter.

Celebrate the Spring Festival, dance, old and young laugh together, wonderful!

The flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter.

Hold a happy event without setting off fireworks, economical and environmentally friendly, good!

The flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter.

Drink less, don’t smoke, be healthy and happy, and save money!

The flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter, the flags and drums are strong in the middle of winter...

The wedding was very lively, and all the immortals who came to attend the wedding agreed that it must be promoted in the human world.

When Zhang Guolao heard that everyone liked his economical and environmentally friendly proposal, he was so beautiful that he didn't hit the donkey's butt with a hammer. Now the donkey stopped working: Why are you so happy?

Want to spank me? With a kick, a pile of donkey dung spurted out. Everyone hurriedly avoided it, and the pile of donkey dung fell into the world.

19. The outstanding performance of the four immortals at the wedding banquet of Lu Dongbin's son was praised by the immortals in heaven. They all said that this way of celebrating is very good and worth promoting. It is absolutely economical and environmentally friendly, and it can also showcase everyone's talents. In addition,

You can select some literary and artistic backbones and give those talented people a platform to express themselves and shine.

The Jade Emperor was delighted after hearing this and ordered that Zhang Guolao's three and a half sentences on environmental protection be included in the Heavenly Codex.

This is the supreme literary award in heaven, equivalent to the Nobel Prize in Literature on earth.

This made the Dragon King of the East China Sea very angry. He was furious: "It's just Zhang Guo who is so stinky that he can be mentioned in the heavenly ceremony with just a few words. I wrote more than 200,000 words, but the editor didn't put me on the shelf, saying that I

The content I wrote was a bit negative. I spent a year working on it, and in my last breath, I entered the deep sea and stayed away from this place of right and wrong. As for my literary talent..."

The Dragon King sneezed and continued: "That's called clear organization, clear themes, smooth writing, and flowing words. Every sentence has been carefully considered. I didn't write it crudely to make up for the number of words. That's what I racked my brains and used my hard work.

It was written. I sent it to the review office of Tianting Baodian, but it was rejected. From then on, I was disheartened and my talents were not recognized, and I cast my pearls in secret."

The Dragon King talked about the pain point and even shed a few tears. As a result, it was a very sunny day in the world, but suddenly there was a heavy rain, the river swelled, and part of the fields were washed away.

Lu Dongbin didn't like hearing it anymore: "As for the things you wrote back then, you still want to go to the heavenly book. I have read it a long time ago. Do you know where you failed?"

The Dragon King wanted to know the answer, so he said, "I am all ears! I am willing to hear the details!"

Lu Dongbin took a sip of tea and said to the Dragon King: "You have to sit down and listen carefully. I will analyze it for you: first, look at the historical background. When you wrote the book, you were catching up with the Cultural Revolution. What kind of movement was it?

Ah, if you say a word or a sentence, you will be labeled as a rightist, and you will be labeled as a counter-revolutionary for several years!"

The Dragon King seemed a little scared and touched his head with his hand. Lu Dongbin continued: "Those who are big-hearted can survive until the rain has passed and the weather has cleared, take off their hats, be recognized again, and restore their original honor and status. Those who are small-minded and small-minded can survive."

He committed suicide when he couldn't bear the torture. Some people jumped from buildings, some hung themselves, some took poison, some took medicine, and so on."

The expression on the Dragon King's face became even more horrified. Lu Dongbin continued: "When everyone in the editorial department took a look at what you wrote at that time, hehe, you were so brave, which was completely contrary to the guiding ideology at the time. If it weren't for the fact that you were so

For the many years of contribution you have made to raining dew and nourishing all things for mankind, you have long been thrown into the sky prison. Therefore, we have decided to leave you a long life and stop moaning in vain. Just press your manuscript like this

When we got here, you didn’t know the inside story at all, and you were still full of complaints. We all wanted to keep you safe!"

"Oh, so that's the background!" The Dragon King still didn't understand.

The Dragon King seemed to understand: "Can't I express my true inner thoughts when I write an article? That's what I thought at the time. I feel that what I wrote is all facts and is very real, without any exaggeration or glitz."

Lu Dongbin continued disdainfully: "Do you know what is the most taboo thing about writing articles? It is to know how to keep pace with the times. Write whatever is popular, and write whatever people like to read."

The Dragon King looked at Lu Dongbin, hoping that he would give some advice. Lu Dongbin continued: "For example, if children now like to watch time travel, fantasy, blood, and weird school scenes, can you start from these aspects? Don't do it yourself.

I think I should write what I want to say, but write what others like to read. You have to have the support of readers. Without click-through rate, collection rate and subscription, how can you succeed? What is the most important thing now? What humans love most now is theirs.

Children, if you want to have readers, you must match their reading level, reading style, and reading taste."

The Dragon King seemed to understand. It turned out that he didn’t understand the reader’s psychology when he wrote it!

20. The robot chased its owner around the room with a pan, and kept shouting: "I'll beat you to death! Beat you to death! You yell at me all day long, am I your slave?"

The owner was chased by the robot and had nowhere to hide, so he got under the dining table. Because the robot always walked in a straight path and would not lower its head or reach under the dining table, it could not hit the owner.

Just as the owner was about to take a breath, he saw the robot turning around and entering the kitchen, throwing all the spoons, shovels, pots and pans in the kitchen into the ground one by one, and kept shouting: "Broken things, don't use them."

It’s gone, there’s a virus, replace it with a new one, update it, update it!”

The owner finally found the remote control and entered "antivirus" into the robot.

This input does not matter, the robot puts all the tableware that is still on the ground into the basin, puts in the washing liquid, and keeps shouting: "anti-virus, anti-virus, anti-virus!"

A bottle of washing liquid was quickly placed into the basin by the robot.

Looking at the basin again, too much foam surged up, and the entire kitchen was enveloped in foam.

The owner was so angry that he didn't know what to do. At this time, the robot danced happily and kept saying: "Bubble Yu, Bubble Yu, sauna, sauna!"

The owner was dumbfounded. After the robot finished using the sauna, he picked up the kitchen knife and pointed at his body: "Massage, massage,"

After massaging for a while, the owner was so scared that he did not dare to come out. He was very afraid of the robot massaging him.
To be continued...