A letter to my mother is here. This is for my mother, not for you, don’t read it! This letter has been written for a long time, at least for three months. I am talking about conception. I am thinking about me while crying. I am such a sentimental person. I like to brag when I have nothing to do. When I have something to do, I want to cry when I think about sad things.

The reason was that one morning, I dreamed that I was gone. The reason was unknown. The people from the underworld had been here three times. The old man and I tried every means to deceive that person. At that time, we had already clearly realized that we were gone. The strange thing was that we were not sad. It was just that we had so many regrets and couldn't bear to leave. I quit my suicide note and didn't write it. I still had dozens of steamed buns that I hadn't finished eating! I was also drunk. How much money did I pay? I didn't eat it. How sad this made me feel. I was really sad and couldn't speak.

So while pretending that I am still alive, I was busy arranging my affairs after my life, thinking about it, Oh my God, why didn’t I write a suicide note in advance, otherwise I wouldn’t be so busy. This suicide note is too difficult to write. My clothes are useless, and my steamed buns cannot be thrown away. My novel is not finished yet, and my girlfriend doesn’t know where to sleep with a man. Thinking about how many painful things I have to do, I can’t finish them, I’ve written all the time, I’ve written all the time, I’ve written all the time, I don’t want to write them, I want to write them, but there are still many things that have not been completed, I still have many wishes that have not been completed, and I have many things that have not been given.

Because of this dream, after waking up, I decided to write you a letter in advance in case of emergency needs. Anyway, I was idle every day, and no one said you were good, only people said you were bad. Old man, mom, I love you very much! I must love it very much, that is quite love, that is very love. Just like what is said on the Internet, since I was a child, I have been very glad that I am your baby. From childhood to adulthood, you have given me the same ability as God instructed my brother. Within the scope of your love, you have given me the best life and the most love, and taught us optimism, contentment, tolerance, patience, filial piety, and gratitude.

Well, of course it's more than that. If you continue, it's like giving yourself. I think about it. What I fear most when I was a child was that I was afraid that you would beat me up. We were really trying to do it. You really beat me to death. Every time I beat me, I don't want to be, you don't stop, you still beat me to death. Every time I get beat me, I think I can't be your biological child, otherwise I can't be beat me like this. If you beat me like this, you're good at it. I'm not smart now, so you must be beat me, otherwise you can't be like this!

I still remember that when I was 10 years old, I had a dream. I dreamed that you hit me again. You said I was not good, you hit me. I was drunk. I was not good at all. Why did you hit me? I woke up crying and found that half of the pillows were wet. At that time, I was really afraid. Although you almost didn't hit me in front of outsiders, you were all fighting hard with the door closed and I was drunk, and no one advised you to come. You were hitting it with great enthusiasm, and you couldn't stop the rhythm at all. You couldn't stop!

But it cannot eliminate the fear in my heart. I often think that if you hit me again, if you hit me again, I will be really angry. My sister and I should be afraid that you will hit us. Fortunately, you didn’t stop hitting me later and couldn’t beat me anymore. This must be because I grew fast, tall, and handsome, otherwise I would have to be beaten, hehe.

For us, you can easily understand and forgive us no matter how ridiculous things. I think this is the mysterious power of blood. As long as you feel happy, if we think we are also happy, it will be the best. We can do whatever we do. Fortunately, my mother has always insisted on maintaining her complete and warm home and will not let you hit us anymore. Since she is so dedicated, we must also participate in this maintenance and will not let you find a reason to hit us. Is this okay?

Old man, do you think so? I don’t know if you noticed it yourself. Every year when you go to Mama Village to visit the grave, you have to point the surrounding hills and say to my sister and I: When I was playing friends with your mother, I walked all these places. My sister and I heard the ears sound dry and cocooned, and you still don’t feel satisfied. I am also drunk. You are really a friend. This wilderness and this place is rarely visited. My sister and I want to laugh every time I hear it.

You are better than us, I am sorry that I am not as good as us. I don’t have the ability to bring my girlfriend here, nor do I have the ability to let him and me go around this mountain. If I had half of your ability, I would probably have been married in eight years, and I could still be in this thirty and I still couldn’t find a partner. I just thought that people in the past were simple, but now children are not so simple. Times have changed, they have played differently, their hearts have different hearts, people have different feelings, and they have different feelings.

You don’t know that at that time you were completely immersed in happy memories. Mom told me several times that she chose you, and many people opposed it. You were not tall and poor at that time, and there was not much education, but it did not hinder your tallness in my mother’s heart at all. I was really drunk, this is all for you, and I am still so proud. You are really nothing left?

Because the first time she went to see you, she saw you pouring a urine bucket for Zuzu. She thought at the time that someone who is so filial to the elderly will definitely not be bad. I can do this too. If I knew you were coming, I could also pour a urine bucket or something. Now so many years have passed, and finally one day, my mother happily told us that you are becoming more and more considerate of her, and said you are sensible.

It turns out that the old man who was like a god in my heart when I was a child could also be described as "sensible". Well, if there was really one day when I left first, old man, you must treat your mother well. It is really not easy for me to do it for you and for us in this life. I wonder if you have noticed that in recent years, I have become loving and going home again. It’s not that I can’t stay in the city anymore. To be honest, I’m not at ease with you, but I really don’t want you to come, so I’m going back often.

Actually, I don’t plan to go back when the old man is born this year. After all, it’s not long after the Spring Festival. Later, I decided to go back to see you, but I was influenced by the affairs of Lao Wang’s family in our village. When I was still hesitating whether to go back, she called me because of her father’s body crying on the phone. I was also afraid of crying. I was really afraid that one day I would like to support my relatives and no longer be with me. So, no matter how expensive the train ticket is, I would be willing to take it. I am really willing to give it away. As long as it is your business, I am willing to give it to you.

No matter how hard it is, I will be with you as long as I have the chance. But this time I went back, the old man's actions made me very sad. I never dreamed that one day you would repair something for yourself in advance and even put on new clothes and take artistic photos... I am really sad and angry, afraid that you who can do everything will become two old people, but you can't point you out, so I had to rush to let you take artistic photos for me. Actually, I don't need any artistic photos. I just want to leave some images for you and let yourself recall them, that's it.

I have been away for more than ten years and have been studying and working. Although I can only describe it as being exhausted in many cases, I am still full of happiness and hope. Because since I was a child, you have told me that these days are definitely getting better and better. Fortunately, it is true. Since this is the case, you must be better and better. As I said to my mother, you are at this age and in good health, which means you will be the greatest support for us in the back.

Several times, I was thinking on the way to work that you have loved us for 30 years, and I must take care of you more than once in the next few 30 years. However, the last thing I regret over the years is the quarrel with the old man last year. I don’t want to mention it for too long. I only said the recent ones, not that the influence has been profound, but I have grown up. Can you forgive me, old man? You see, you are still mentioning it this year, I must have hurt your heart. Can you forgive me?

At that time, work was not very smooth. When I got home, I saw your growing white hair, my spacious and bright house, and my sister was now very old, and then after thinking about you, I had only one thought over and over again, either never go back, or never leave when I went back. But, as I said before, every time I went back, I clearly saw that I could never go back. This perception really made me feel a headache. I felt guilty, aggrieved and depressed, and I was extremely sad. I even took advantage of other people's affairs and started to get angry incoherently. I was so stupid.

Now looking at my novel, you tried your best to let me go back, but at that time, I was determined to spread my wings and fly high, so how could I agree? However, no matter what, I have never blamed you, because I now feel that no matter which path I choose in my life, I will definitely regret not choosing another one. You also say that everyone has a life control, everything has its own fixed number. You don’t have to worry. I am grateful to your son, I, after the past thirty years, under your arrangement, have a smooth life, and it is not bad for me.

So, she hasn't experienced many things in my sister, so she doesn't understand. Don't blame her. She is like me, and she really can't grow up. I think I can't grow up anymore. I think she is even better than me. I look at her and I feel that she is getting all kinds of headaches. If you look at me, you have so many headaches, ah, it's all our fault that we won't talk about, and it makes you unhappy.

Especially don't compare me with her. I believe that slowly, when she is older and reaches my age, you will understand. Old man, you should try to call her during her working hours. After all, her work nature is different from mine. Don't participate too much in her and her boyfriend's affairs. If she wants to find her, she will find her. You don't have to worry too much. It's probably because she doesn't like her. If there is a good one, she will probably take the initiative. You don't know your daughter yet. You really can't worry about her. I think she will be good and will get better and better.
Chapter completed!