Recently, the weather is often cloudy and rainy. Every time it rains, the temperature will drop a little, and the smell of autumn becomes stronger and stronger. What about my mood? I often feel desolate in the bleakness. Fortunately, I have become accustomed to this mood. This is due to the number of times I have broken hearts. To put it in a pretentious sentence, it is: I am used to it!

But am I really used to it? During the day, I can pretend to be nothing, but at night? At night, I still can't get rid of the life of smoking and drinking. I often light a cigarette, take a bottle of beer, lock myself in the bedroom, staring at the wardrobe that has been open, dazed.

I would repeatedly count the clothes left by Mo Han in the cabinet. Sometimes it counts 23 pieces, sometimes it counts 27 pieces, and another time it is 29 pieces. In fact, there are 21 pieces in the wardrobe. I have never counted them correctly. When counting 29 pieces, I was drunk as if everything was a ghost. When counting 23 pieces, I was slightly drunk, 27 pieces, and I was half drunk and half awake......

The world is so big that it has made my pain small. I warn myself: Zhang Yixi, you can play with decadence, but you must be behind people and in front of people. You must be strong, because no one wants to see you decadence, and no one will pity your decadence.

...........

It was another night after get off work. I didn't drink. I took all Chen Qingyi's clothes from the balcony and sent them to the dry cleaning shop for dry cleaning. I originally planned to complain to Chen Qingyi, complaining about why she didn't get her clothes back earlier. But after having such an idea, I immediately felt selfish, because Chen Qingyi could also say: Then why didn't you give it back to me? I had to go and get it?

In fact, we are all very busy at work, so we ignore this matter and no one can blame each other! And this also seems to have God's will. If Mo Han appears a few days later and Chen Qingyi takes away these clothes, he will be gone.

If it is if, after all, I will no longer think about it. I believe more and more that God’s will cannot be violated, and I will accept it happily. But can I meet a woman who makes me so moved? God knows it, but I don’t know it!!

After I sent Chen Qingyi's clothes to the dry cleaning shop, I didn't want to go home anymore, but where could I go? Guqiao? I don't want to go! It only adds pain to my destination.

"Utopia under the candlelight"? My mind was reminded of this world in the corner of my name. I want to see if there is a utopia in the material world, then does it also have a utopia in the emotional world?

If there were utopias in the emotional world, then what would it look like? Love is loyal, free, happy, and never betrayal, restraint, or hurt! Probably that's it.

...........

It was dusk at this moment, but because of the dark clouds, even the setting sun did not appear, and the sky became darker. I stood at the highest point, blew the cool breeze, drank frozen beer, and looked into the distance of the city.

Today is different from usual. Even if I climbed up and looked far away, I didn’t feel a sense of pride in my heart. I knew I was numb, so I jumped onto the guardrail and sat on it. At this moment, I was not facing the vast world, but the utopia under the candlelight of a small inch of land.

When my eyes moved slightly, I could see the big head patches that Anqi and I took, but a lot of them had fallen on the ground because of the rain. I smiled and took another sip of beer. It turned out that illusory as a utopia could not resist the erosion of rain. There is no absolutely safe place in this world. We have been living in danger. Aren’t we? For example, I seemed to have walked along the mountain of swords, so I never believed that my future would be safe!!

I took out my cell phone and found Angel's phone number. I can't remember whether we were happy or dissatisfied with each other when we parted. No matter whether it was happy or dissatisfied, I called her over first. I'm used to seeing her here.

I called her phone number and soon a prompt tone came.

I drank several sips of beer, but the phone was not answered until no one answered. I didn't give up, so I set up an automatic dial, then put the phone aside, and then tore open a can of beer and started drinking.

Finally, the familiar and irritable voice came from the phone: "Zhang Yixi, are you sick again? Don't call me when I'm in a meeting!!"

I took the phone to my ear and smiled, not caring about Anqi's dissatisfaction, and said, "I don't know you're having a meeting."

"Idiot, if I don't answer, it's definitely something. Why are you fighting all the time?"

"Then didn't you answer?" I said with a smile.

Angel on the other end of the phone was silent, obviously brewing anger. I didn't give her a chance to fire at me, and said in surprise: "The big head sticker you posted last time was washed away by the rain. Do you want to come and have a look?"

"I don't have time today, after the meeting, and there are still dates... I'm very busy lately." Anqi looked impatient.

"Tsk, aren't you just busy dating? What's so awesome!!"

"Do you care?"

"I'm still lazy to care?" I said as I lay down on the guardrail, and the "beep" sound of hanging up came from the other end of the phone.

"It's amazing to be in love, I'm gonna be!~~~" I sipped hard at the phone, and drank the beer in the beer can in one sip.

I was a little sleepy. I was afraid that I would fall asleep and fall off the guardrail, so I jumped off the guardrail and prepared to sniff on the ground for a while. I thought this was a good place to sleep. It was quiet and could meet my needs.

Before closing my eyes, I saw the photos taken with An Qi again. In fact, she was really pretty, just a little splashed, but I was not bad, and she was quite handsome. With such self-affirmation, I smiled proudly, laughing at someone who left me, not knowing how to appreciate me and cherish me!! After I figured out my own unworthiness, I would be like a match with other women... I thought so with Ah Q's spiritual victory method.

Thinking about it, I became sleepy, and I fell asleep when I was sleepy!!

...........

I didn't sleep too hard, but a light perfume scent stimulated my sense of smell, and I woke up. I opened my hazy eyes, and a familiar and beautiful face appeared in my sight. She squatted on the ground and looked at me with an expression of looking at a fool.

"Why are you here?" I asked half drunk and half awake, but my hands were fumbled beside me. If I remember correctly, there should be a can of beer that I didn't drink. When the guest came, I had to invite her to have a beer.

"Are you looking for this again?" Anqi picked up the beer can behind her and asked me.

"This beer is really particular. When you see you come, you will get out to you and drink it...I'll treat you to drink."

Angel didn't drink the beer, she handed me the beer and said, "If only this bottle is left, you should drink it. I think you need some more than me."

I didn't reach out to pick up the beer can in Angel's hand, and asked in confusion: "Why do you say that?"

"I'm much happier than you. Since I'm happy, why should I drink it?... So drink it." Angel said, and stuffed the beer can into my hand.
Chapter completed!