On the way back to the hotel, I was just walking. I hoped to give myself some time to think through a slow walk. When the time to think is enough, I was getting more and more confused. I was upset and ran along the street, stepping on the street lights and the afterimages of trees...

While running, I seemed to see the light shining again, but I was tired and had no strength to pursue it anymore. I supported my knees with my hands and looked up in a breathless manner, but it suddenly stopped leaving, keeping a distance from me.

I can't remember when this light flashed appeared in my fantasy, but I know that every time I'm most helpless, it will appear, but I never willed to guide me, or even tease me.

Its stubbornness, its mystery, and its illusion have a fatal attraction to me, so it is imagined by me again and again, but I have never figured out what it represents. Maybe it is a dream that cannot be realized, or maybe it is a woman that cannot be approached...

......

Sitting on the curb, I lit a cigarette. In the smoke, I felt extremely confused again. I hated this confusion, and I also wanted to make choices neatly, but life has given me too many constraints that I cannot break free from.

I lowered my head and watched sweat fall from my forehead drop by drop, and a tissue was handed to me. I raised my head and stood in front of me was Chen Qingyi.

"Wipe your sweat."

I took the tissue and wiped the sweat from my face. Chen Qingyi sat with me on the edge of the curb.

"Why are you here?"

"Actually, we met by chance, and I just wanted to take a walk." Chen Qingyi explained.

I didn't say anything. After a while of silence, Chen Qingyi asked, "What's the matter with you, Mr. Gao?"

"Drink tea and reminisce about the past."

Chen Qingyi smiled and said, "Actually, if you don't say it, I can imagine...he advises you to stay in China, right?"

I am not surprised by Chen Qingyi's prediction of the uncertainty. She is more delicate and smarter than ordinary women.

Chen Qingyi continued: "And he made you shake, making you confused between going or not..."

I nodded, in fact, there is nothing to hide. If I could ignore my choice, then I wouldn't have to run wildly on the streets like crazy on this cold night.

Chen Qingyi looked at me, and for a long time she said with a loss: "Actually, I don't know if I let you immigrate to Ireland, right? The reason I did this is because of Pipi and I don't want my life to be stained again... I once had a failed love. Although I was kept in the dark and didn't know that my man already had a family, the public opinion in the outside world would not care about this, and I still became the mistress in others' words... I am a person who pursues perfection, so I decided to leave him..."

Chen Qingyi said this, covering her face with her hands, not crying, but comforting her emotions. After a long time, she took off her hands covering her face, smiled sadly, and said, "Later we got married, but my marriage life was not as I imagined. We were suffering from each other for a long time, but for the sake of family and for Pipi, I persisted, but the more I insisted, the more I deviated. I finally knew that this marriage would not be perfect, so I gave up, but giving up means stains, and I was unwilling to give up. Why did I, Chen Qingyi, lose repeatedly in love... One evening before leaving Ireland, Lin Xi once told me, maybe I didn't love you much, but just unwilling to give up... She said: I don't understand you. If I really love you, I should give you freedom, because what you need most is freedom, not women, so in the end she chose to see through and completely give up you!"

After a while of silence, Chen Qingyi continued: "Actually, Lin Xi was only half right. I am indeed unwilling to give up, but I know you. I always know that you are a person who needs freedom, so you are very pitiful, because a person who is more vocal by ordinary people, life has given you the most restraints... Believe it or not, I hope you immigrate to Ireland this time, because I am more because of Pipi... I really love him. Although he is not my biological child, this kind of mother-son relationship is difficult to give up, and it is very difficult..."

I looked up at Chen Qingyi, not questioning her. I believe her feelings for Pipi. Otherwise, she would not have kept in touch with Pipi after going to Ireland, nor would she leave Pipi with a property in Shanghai for 2 million yuan. She had no such obligation to Pipi. The reason for doing this was just the most primitive and greatest maternal love.

"Pippi is a very sensible and cute child. I really treat him as my own. Every night in Ireland, I dream of his calling me mother, dreaming of the little things in the past, thinking of the compositions he read to me, and looking at the paintings he gave me, I will cry... Zhang Yixi, if you have enough reasons to not go, I will not force you, but if you let Pippi go with me, the education and living environment over there will definitely be much better than here!"

I looked at Chen Qingyi in surprise. My request was unexpected. No matter what, she was not Pipi's biological mother, and she wanted to marry someone else after all. She brought the children of her ex-husband, but she was not her biological child. This was just a matter of thinking about it.

I shook my head and said, "This is not suitable, and Pipi's grandparents will not agree. They can accept Pipi's departure, provided that I immigrate together, you should understand this!"

"No one knows that it is not suitable for me, but I really can't bear to leave Pipi. I'm still young. I don't need to think about getting married too early. I would rather live with Pipi alone until he becomes an adult!"

"Qingyi is not a joke..."

"Can we ask for Pipi's opinions?" Chen Qingyi looked at me sincerely.

I shook my head firmly.

"Zhang Yixi, you are so determined, has it proved that you will not go to Ireland anymore? In fact, your subconscious mind has already made a decision... You love Angel and have always loved you deeply. It was her who should have married you, not me..." Chen Qingyi's voice was a little choked.

I have no words, which is a default. If Chen Qingyi does not propose to bring Pipi to Ireland, maybe I can't find that my subconscious mind has already made a choice. I want to stay in China and help An Qi shelter her from the wind and rain, no matter what identity she is.

Chen Qingyi nodded: "We chose marriage as a mistake. I originally thought we could make mistakes, but the facts prove that you, Zhang Yixi, are still unruly in your bones. Your silence and your obedience are just a silent resistance... Lin Xi can let go of his love for you, and I can do the same. I will not force you to go to Ireland, and you don't have to feel guilty for owing me... But I hope you will consider the request to take Pipi to Ireland again. If Pipi himself is not willing, I will not force it. If he is willing, I will give him the best life and the best education. I can assure you this!"

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Chapter completed!