Chapter 36 Love is just a word
I think love will never be humble, as long as you have courage. - Shen Youyi
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"I noticed the word 'steal'. Why do you think you are stealing another person's life?"
"Because the core of this story is fatalism, everyone's fate will be intertwined with other people and things, and the content of this book is adapted based on reality. In fact, as the creator, I know each of them very well. Whether it is reality or reality, we should follow the logic of fate. This is just like fortune telling. When a person is born, his birth date can determine what his general destiny will be. In reality, like Si Caiwei It is impossible for people to have contact with Zhou Ling. They should be far apart in the sky, like two isolated islands in the sea, each living in its own corner. So I cut out a part of the fate of another person and combined Si Caiwei and Zhou Ling through words. Being connected together creates more possibilities for them.”
"So in reality, your student is a couple with another person?" Xu Lan asked.
Shen Youyi smiled and said, "Yes, a very beautiful couple."
"Then why don't you use that girl as your prototype?" Xu Lan asked seriously.
"Firstly, I don't want to write a clichéd story about a talented man and a beautiful woman; secondly, I want to give a deeper thought to fate and love. If I just simply record reality, it will make myself meaningless. I want to use more careful strokes to draw the lines of destiny growth. In my opinion, destiny is not a single line, but divergent. Just like a tree, the tree of destiny of each of us grows along the timeline. Every event will grow into a leaf or a fruit. The smoothness and ups and downs of a person's life are hidden in the annual rings. Although I changed Si Caiwei's fate at the beginning of the book, Si Caiwei and Zhou Ling will There won’t be an ending. It doesn’t depend on me, nor does it depend on the readers. It depends on the world in the story. Maybe it depends on whether there is a moon in the eastern hemisphere on a certain day, or whether there is a moon in a certain small town on a certain day. No snow”
"I think your readers will be on tenterhooks when they hear you say this. They will definitely hope that Si Caiwei and Zhou Ling will have a happy ending."
"No, actually Si Caiwei and Zhou Ling don't have many fans of CP. Readers prefer Tao Yao."
"Why?"
"Because Taoya has a very likable character, and the setting is more relevant to young people. Si Caiwei is a bit strict, not to mention she is Zhou Ling's teacher, which is against ethics."
"What about you? How do you think?"
"Whether it's in reality or in reality, I feel guilty. In reality, I don't have any talent, I'm just good at carving. If I only rely on myself, I can't use words to achieve this, I can only be a teacher. I'm not saying that I don't like being a teacher, I really, really like this profession, just like I want to be a family. I get inspiration and materials from my students, and I pile up words day and night that belong to something that shouldn't belong. My world, I am obsessed with it. When I turn on the computer, I can be isolated from reality. I weave my destiny with words. They are brilliant, but they are lies. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that I need the comfort of lies to fall asleep. , I feel uneasy about this, but I can still only fall asleep when I am exhausted in front of the computer. Waking up every day is the most painful moment for me, because I have to return to reality. I not only have to accept the fact that I am not Si Caiwei, but also You have to face all kinds of dilemmas.”
"I heard a strong sense of oppression from your language. Can you tell us what kind of dilemma you encountered to be like this?"
"Part of it comes from financial pressure, part of it comes from the anxiety of being a new mother, part of it comes from parents' expectations, and part of it comes from self-doubt."
"We understand the first two very well. Can you tell me about the latter two for me and the readers who care about you?"
"Actually, these four are related because I am a single mother."
"Your experience reminds me of JK Rowling."
Shen Youyi smiled and said: "I'm not that inspiring. My family conditions are not bad. My grandfather is the principal of this historic school, and my father also served as the vice principal of this school, and I I also worked as a teacher here.”
"No wonder you chose a classroom as your interview location. Most of the guests have no requirements for the venue. They only require comfortable seating, comfortable lighting, or comfortable questions."
"No, not entirely. In fact, this is the place I really want to escape from. Returning here today can be considered as summoning up the courage to face myself."
"Escape from school? Face yourself? How should I understand?"
"When I was studying here, a good friend of mine committed suicide because of the relationship between teacher and student. That incident left a very deep psychological shadow on me. My father was the vice principal at the time, and the teacher was his student. , I felt he was very unfair in handling this matter, and this is something I still can’t let go of. For a long time, I even had to forget this memory, and even split into another personality, in order not to hate him. He. But in fact, my main personality can still detect some obscure clues in the emotions caused by memory, which has caused my personality to become isolated from the world. I am afraid of contact with other people. I am afraid that others will know that I have mental problems. Question. I don’t even dare to look at photos of my classmates. I obviously spent many hours reading poetry with her, and I clearly remember her crying to me on the phone. That was the last time I saw her cry. .Then I heard the bad news. The moment I heard the bad news, I felt remorse, and all kinds of regrets hit my heart. They were like nails, one by one, setting my heart in a certain place. In my memory, maybe the pain was too severe, or maybe I was a timid person, so I chose to escape. I was filled with guilt, and I left all this to another personality to bear, while the main personality pretended to be right. Know nothing about anything and live calmly"
Xu Lan said with surprise: "You mean you have a dual personality?"
Shen Youyi nodded, "But my two personalities are normal and do not affect my life or the lives of others."
"Can you tell me about this feeling?"
"How should I put it? It's like a person has two souls, but one of them is well hidden and no one can find it. Only I know it. When I need her, I will give my body to her. She controls. Because I have the initiative, I can choose whether to hand over my body to her or not. As long as I don't want to, she can only hide in my heart. Even if the sky falls apart, she will not come out, and no one will. It's impossible to know she exists."
"So. Is this the version of yourself you want to face?"
"This is only a small part of it. To be honest, I am now grateful for these painful experiences. People will always encounter difficulties in their lives. No matter how smooth things are, they will definitely encounter them. Sometimes difficulties are not necessarily a bad thing. , it could also be a good thing.”
"What if it's a bad thing?" the host asked.
"Learn to be patient, especially when there is nothing you can do."
"Just being patient?"
"I probably just learned to be patient before, but later. Later, I learned to accumulate strength from someone. When you have the strength, you must have the courage to change it."
"Is that why you were interviewed at school? Do you think you have accumulated enough power and you want to change it?"
Shen Youyi nodded firmly, "Yes, that's why I will be interviewed at school."
Xu Lan leaned over slightly and looked at Shen Youyi and asked curiously: "Then what do you want to change?"
"The first thing is to change my parents' attitude towards me. As for me now, the biggest dilemma is that it is difficult for you to find a balance between family and ideals. You want to choose the path full of thorns, but you can't. Parents always hope that you can walk on a happy road. The problem is that they tell you from their own experience that they are right, and you also know that they are right to a certain extent, but your heart just yearns for it. That Luqi that no one wants to leave. They always regard whether they are living well or what kind of honor and material they have obtained as a weight to obtain happiness. They think happiness is the purpose of our journey in life. But I don’t think so, I think Happiness lies in the process of trekking and everything you experience along the way. As long as it is what you yearn for, no matter how hard you go through, you will be happy. Happiness is the feeling during the journey, never the end. I hope they can understand my choice."
"What's next? What do you want to change next?"
"Secondly, I want to change myself." Shen Youyi stood up from her seat. She looked down at the seat that once belonged to Cheng Mo, and then said softly, "I have never been able to get out of the role of teacher. But today I want to break free from this shackles. I can't let myself always be locked in the memory of the past. Even if the teacher is indeed a label that once belonged to me, I shouldn't escape. I want to tear it off now."
Xu Lan asked with interest: "Then how do you plan to tear it off?"
Shen Youyi walked out of her seat and walked to the podium. She picked up a piece of chalk from the chalk box, faced the camera with a smile and said: "Students, this is the last lesson I will teach you as a teacher. She turned around and wrote on the blackboard: "Song Dynasty, Fan Chengda, "The Car is Far Away", the car is far away, and the horse is longing. You travel east, Shandong and east, and fly hard to chase the west wind. May I be like a star king. Like the moon, the stream of light is bright and clear every night. The moon is temporarily dark, but the stars are always bright. They stay bright until the moon returns, and they are full of brightness every three to five years."
Just for a moment, there were a few lines of beautiful chalk written in thin gold on the blackboard. Shen Youyi put down the chalk, turned around and said in the warm and gentle voice that she used to use in class: "The only person who is in ecstasy is the one who is in ecstasy." It's just farewell! It is precisely because people have left but the love has not ended that we can feel the sadness of "the willow bank, the dawn wind and the waning moon", and the helplessness of "the brow is just lowered, but the heart is full again". The poet Fan Chengda The song "Che Yao Yao Pian" uses a wife's true inner monologue to express the indescribable feelings of separation and the unwavering devotion to stay together."
"The cleverness of the artistic conception of the poem is that there is no 'time'. It may be the real scene seen by the heroine standing alone on the top of the building, or it may be an overlay of a beautiful virtual scene that has long passed, or it may even be created in the heroine's mind. It’s an illusion. But no matter which one it is, the heroine insists on sticking to it and is willing to wait for the time of reunion."
"This is my last lesson." Standing on the podium, Shen Youyi closed her eyes, gently touched the podium, and bowed deeply toward the camera, "Thank you everyone."
Xu Lan also stood up and clapped her hands three times. In the empty classroom, her applause seemed so lonely. She asked puzzledly: "I don't understand why you want to change the teacher." This identity, even with the annotation of 'Tear off the label', and why you chose this song "Che Yaoyao Pian" by Fan Chengda for your last lesson."
"It all has to do with the last thing I want to change."
"So what's the last thing you want to change?"
"I hope this section can be filmed in the school auditorium, and I hope I can end this interview there."
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The camera switched to the auditorium. After the photographers had set up their camera positions and the spotlights in the auditorium turned on "pop, pop, pop", and the orange light was projected on the shiny wooden floor, Shen Youyi stood on the boarding floor. At the edge of the stairs, she looked up at the not-so-long stairs and said, "Actually, the story about me, my secondary personality, and my dead classmates hasn't been finished yet."
"Is there any follow-up?"
"Yes." Shen Youyi turned to look at Xu Lan, smiled, and said in a shy tone: "For this last part, can you play "Love is Just One Word" for me as background music."
Xu Lan nodded and said, "Of course it's no problem."
Shen Youyi took a deep breath and looked at the remaining spotlight cone again. She seemed to hear singing echoing in the empty auditorium.
"The dark clouds in the sky are as beautiful as blue velvet. I climbed over the mountains and ridges for you, but I had no intention of looking at the scenery. I miss you and I can't help myself. Every thought brings a new dream."
She felt that the clock of fate was running in the sound of empty music, and the song was flowing in the gaps like sand grains. There was a surging force urging her. She closed her eyes, making sure that this was not a dream, and that she was sure that it was about to happen. Toward the altar of self-destruction.
She was ready to swing the pendulum of fate, like a noose around herself.
She climbed the steps and remembered the famous maxim written by Zweig in "The Beheaded Queen": She was still young at that time and did not know that all the gifts given by fate had secretly marked prices.
However, there was no despair and sadness in Shen Youyi's heart, only the joy of being reborn from the ashes. Wearing the professional attire she wore that day, she stepped gently towards the flames that were about to burn her.
"I once drew a painting. In that painting, he and I were walking side by side under the green sycamore trees on campus. The sun was setting, and the sunlight shone on the two people through the gaps in the leaves. I was still there His name was written all over the back of the painting. When I wrote his name, my heart was full of guilt. I couldn't even believe that I wrote it. But in fact, I knew what I was doing. I want him to occupy my dreams forever and ever. In my dreams, he is eternal. I thought that was the only way I could have him."
Shen Youyi's voice was very soft. She seemed to be reciting a love poem, narrating words that looked like memories and pictures. She slowly walked up the steps, with the sound of fireworks falling from the sky. Graceful and graceful.
"Memories about him occupy almost all the important moments in my memories. When I close my eyes, I will think of him, and when I think of him, I don't want to wake up. I always dream that I am still standing on the podium, and he Sitting in his seat, supporting his chin with his hand, he listened to my lecture without any expression. I wrote on the blackboard, and I recited a poem. When he lowered his head, there was light shining in his eyes. I stared at him, because he It is the source of my inspiration. It allows me not to live in the same way, but to enter a world that I cannot reach by myself. For me, the memories constructed by those words are real, and they are even better than my own memories. To be precious. And thank God for the inspiration given to me. Once I have the source of inspiration, reality sometimes becomes insignificant. There is no grander and more lasting fireworks than fantasy. My fireworks are in my twenty-fourth year. It was ignited all the time, and I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to describe the fireworks in words."
In the long and short narrative, Shen Youyi finally stepped onto the stage of the auditorium. The cone of light in the center was waiting for her, like an immortal purgatory.
Under the gaze of long guns and short cannons, she slowly and resolutely walked to the center of the light until she was completely enveloped. Then she gently raised her hand and took off the mask she had been wearing, revealing the face that had been washed away. Her face was somewhat pitiful and careless, yet also somewhat charming and charming.
The empty auditorium was filled with radiance. The photographers and staff who seemed lazy just now were all in high spirits, especially the men, who were all radiant.
Xu Lan's eyes also brightened several times. She stared at Shen Youyi's easily addictive face and couldn't help but whisper to herself: "It's much more beautiful than I imagined."
Shen Youyi was completely unaware of these scorching gazes. She lowered her head and looked down at the auditorium, as if she had returned to that day. The audience was full of seats, the auditorium was full of people, and the students from Grade 2 (9) were cheering her on. Wu Principal Lei walked up to the stage and announced that he had found the suspect who painted the painting. Then Cheng Mo appeared in front of everyone and admitted that he was the initiator in an almost mocking manner. Then he walked off the stage amidst curses and insults. He walked alone and was spurned. His crowd, one person took on everything.
And she did nothing.
"Five years ago, he once admitted in this auditorium that the pornographic paintings that appeared in the classroom and on the teaching building were painted by him, but in fact they were not." Shen Youyi's voice trembled, like a nightingale in deep distress. The swan song among the thorns, "The last thing I want to change is to go back to that day and walk on the stage to say to him."
"Tell him I like you"
Shen Youyi closed her eyes, as if there was another voice whispering: "No. It's love."
The huge auditorium was extremely quiet, and she seemed to feel the excitement and silence that traveled through time and space.
She raised her head high and said calmly and decisively:
"Cheng Mo, I love you."
"I miss you, take courage,
Spread the message with love map,
I hope you haven't forgotten,
I will always protect you,
From now on there is no need to wander and search again,
Love is just one word,
I only say it once,
You know I can only express it through actions,
Promise for a lifetime,
Hold on and persevere,
It's never too late to give.
Love is just one word,
I'll only say it once.
I'm afraid those who heard it will be reminded of lovesickness,
Let time fly by,
Search for your shadow,
I am willing to try to make you happy.”
Chapter completed!