I don’t know why? It’s obviously summer in London, but I feel a little cold.
I opened my eyes this morning and stared at the ceiling in a daze for a long time. I had the illusion for a moment that I was still in our home in Ziyu Mansion and you were by my side. But when I looked back, there was nothing?
I feel inexplicably scared in my heart. Every time I go to sleep, I am afraid that once I close my eyes, I will never be able to open them again. Will I have no chance to see it again? Will I never see the little tiger again?
I had a dream. I dreamed that I was dead. You were holding me so sad, so sad. I was right next to you, calling you loudly, but you couldn't hear me.
Jinyang, I don’t want this, I don’t want you to be so sad. But, I miss you so much and want to come back to you!
July 15, sunny, Wen Jinyang
Nini:
I rented a room next to where you live. In the morning I heard the door next door, so I waited for you to go out and followed you quietly.
I saw you riding a bicycle on London Road. I also borrowed a bicycle from someone behind you.
I try to feel your mood, your fear, your loneliness, and your heart-wrenching reluctance.
Nini, I don’t know that you don’t want me to see you seriously ill. You are even more afraid that I will see you die in my arms.
But I want to tell you that I don't care what you will become at all. I just hope that you can let me be by your side. Let me take care of you, love you, and feel sorry for you.
Today you are wearing a moth-yellow jacket, your hair is tied up, and you look very beautiful wearing jeans and riding a bicycle.
I remembered the first time we met in Manchester, when you ran into my arms wearing a sparkling fox mask. I suddenly looked forward to seeing you as a student.
I called Zhi'an, and it turned out that he had a lot of photos of you and Yuan Yanran. At that time, you still had short hair, wearing a white cotton suit, standing next to Yuan Yanran with a restrained smile. I looked through it all night
, I found that there was no photo of you smiling happily and wantonly. I felt so sad, how I wished I was here. I suddenly thought, if I could do it again, I would definitely go to Manchester to go to school, and then get to know you at that time.
I think I will definitely fall in love with you at first sight. I will fall deeply in love with you, and I will make you my wife at that time. I will love you, love you, and take care of you forever.
You rode your bicycle to the magazine where you worked, but I didn't follow you. I was waiting for you across the street.
An hour later, you came down, carrying a lot of things.
Have you resigned?
I can't tell you what it feels like. What I was looking forward to the most before was that you could quit your job in London and come back to China with me.
But now, seeing you resign, I find that I can't be happy anymore.
I hope you are happy and healthy. As long as you are healthy and happy, even if you have to work here all the time, even if I have to chase you like this all my life, I will be willing to do so.
After you put your things away, you rode your bike to Chinatown.
You are already familiar with many of the bosses here. One butcher shop owner even said he didn't see you and asked if you wanted pork belly.
You stared at the fresh pork belly in a daze for a long time, then smiled and shook your head.
Nini, do you know how sad I feel when I see you smiling like that? I want to tell you that I am by your side and I want to eat the pork belly you made.
But I know that you are not ready yet, I can't show up yet, I can only look at you like this.
You bought mung beans, dried yuba, fungus, and bean curd. I guess you want to make mung bean soup?
I think, if I knock on your door tonight and ask you to borrow a bowl of mung bean soup, will you treat me to it?
July 17th Fog Muwan
Jinyang:
I resigned yesterday! I knew that my current physical condition was really not suitable for any job, so I resigned.
Yesterday I called Little Tiger and heard his little voice calling me Mommy. I almost cried. I miss my son so much. There was even a moment when I really wanted to pack up my things and go back to you. Jinyang, you are so cruel.
, did you really miss me at all when I came to England? You didn’t even call me, or are you blaming me for not sending grandma on her last journey?
Jinyang, I am now on the train to Manchester. There is an old couple sitting in front of me. Their hair is pale and their faces are full of wrinkles, but their smiles are so young.
They have been married for sixty years and are in good health, so they agreed to take a trip around Europe. I looked at them and suddenly felt envious. In fact, I have thought about our future life with you, and we can probably grow old together and become an old man.
It is a very luxurious wish for my wife to be able to travel in good health!
After getting off the station, when I stood in the sky above the city, many memories came flooding back. When I went to school for the first time, I had to cross the Suni Trail every morning, and then wait for the school bus.
At that time, my grandma always chased me out and stuffed ten pennies into my pocket. When I went to college for the first time, my grandma packed my things with tears in my eyes. She knew that I wanted to leave that home, even though I was reluctant to leave.
I couldn't bear to say it out loud.
But not long after, she passed away.
I really hated my selfishness. I wanted to leave without thinking about my feelings. I once thought that she was probably my only relative in this world, the only person who loved me just because I was her granddaughter.
Jinyang, I’m here to say goodbye to grandma! I want to talk to her about what’s on my mind for a while.
My grandma once told me that no matter what happens, be grateful and the Lord will bless you. In fact, I don’t believe in the Lord. If there really is a Lord, why does it make me despair again and again?
But when I stood in front of ***'s tomb, I wiped the stains off her photos over and over again, and suddenly I felt that the Lord grandma mentioned might exist, and he might be looking at me somewhere. He was like this
The arrangement may have a deeper meaning.
Jinyang, I miss you!
What are you doing? Are you busy? Are you still angry with me?
July 17th Wuwen Jinyang
Nini:
I suddenly feel that I am very close to your heart? Why did you come here? Why do you have to be in England?
Because you are remembering the past, your childhood, your college, the green years you spent before!
Can I tell you that I am actually very excited? I feel like I have touched a part of your life that I have never participated in before? Your inner loneliness, your strength, and your stubbornness. I feel so distressed and so moved!
Nini, can I tell you, at this moment I love you more than ever before?