I don’t know why? It’s summer in London, but I feel a little cold.
I opened my eyes this morning and looked at the ceiling for a long time. I had the illusion that I thought I was still at our home in Ziyu Mansion, and you were by my side. But when I turned around, there was nothing?
I felt inexplicably scared. Every time I went to bed, would I be afraid, would I never open my eyes again? I didn’t have the chance to see it again, and would I never see the little tiger again!
I had a dream, dreaming that I was dead. You hugged me so sad, I was by your side, calling you loudly, but you couldn't hear it.
Jinyang, I don’t want to do this, and I won’t let you feel so sad. But I miss you so much and want to be by your side!
July 15, Qing, Wen Jinyang
Nini:
I rented a house next to you. In the morning, I heard the sound of the door next door, and I quietly followed you after you go out.
I saw you riding a bicycle on London Road, and I also borrowed a bicycle from someone behind you.
I try to feel your mood, your fear, your loneliness, and your heartbreaking reluctance.
Nini, I don’t know that you don’t want me to see my serious illness. You are even more afraid that I will see you die in my arms.
But I want to tell you that I don’t care at all about what you will become. I just hope you can let me be by your side. Let me take care of you, love you, and feel sorry for you.
You are wearing a moth-yellow jacket today, your hair is tied up, and you look so beautiful when you ride a bicycle in jeans.
I remembered when we first met in Manchester, when you were wearing a sparked fox mask and hit me in my arms. I suddenly looked forward to seeing you as a student.
I called Zhian and it turned out that there were many photos of him with you and Yuan Yanran. At that time, you were still short-haired, wearing a white cotton jacket, standing beside Yuan Yanran with a restrained smile. I looked around all night
, I found that there was no photo that you smiled happily and wantonly. I felt so sorry, how much I wish I was there. I suddenly thought, if I could do it again, I would definitely go to Manchester to go to school and then meet you at that time.
I think I will definitely fall in love with you at first sight. I will fall in love with you deeply. I will make you my wife at that time. I will love you, love you, take care of you, and take care of you forever.
You rode your bicycle to the magazine where you worked, and I didn't follow you, waiting for you across the street.
An hour later, you came down and came down with a lot of things.
Have you resigned?
I can't tell what it feels like? What I was most looking forward to before was that you could quit your job in London and return to China with me.
But now, seeing you resign, I find that I can't be happy.
I hope you are happy, I hope you are healthy, as long as you are healthy and happy, even if you have to work here all your life, even if I have to chase you like this, I am willing to do so.
After you put your things down, you rode your bike to Chinatown.
There are many bosses here that you are already very familiar with. A butcher shop owner said he didn’t see you very much and asked if you want pork belly.
You stared at the fresh pork belly for a long time, then shook your head with a smile.
Nini, do you know how sad I feel when I see you smiling like that? I want to tell you that I am by your side and I want to eat the pork belly you made.
But I know that you are not ready yet, I can't show up yet, I can only watch you like now.
You bought mung beans, dried bean curd, fungus and bean houses. I guess, are you going to cook mung bean soup?
I think, if I knock on your door tonight and ask you to borrow a bowl of mung bean soup to drink, would you invite me to drink?
July 17th Fog Muwan
Jinyang:
I quit yesterday! I knew that with my current physical condition, I was really not suitable for any work, so I quit.
Yesterday I called Xiao Laohu and heard his small voice calling me mom Ma, and I almost cried. I miss my son so much, and even for a moment I really want to pack up and go back to find you. Jinyang, you are so cruel
, Do you really don’t miss me at all when I came to the UK? You didn’t call me a single call, or you are also blaming me for not sending my grandma for the last trip.
Jinyang, I am now on the train to Manchester. In front of me was an old couple. Their hair was pale and their faces were full of wrinkles, but their smiles were so young.
They have been married for sixty years and are in good health, so they made an appointment to do a trip around Europe. I looked at them and suddenly envied me. Actually, I thought about living with you in the future, and I could probably grow old with you and become an old man.
It is a very luxurious wish that the wife can also travel with a strong body!
When I got off the station, when I stood here in the city, many memories came to me. I went to school for the first time and passed through the Suni Trail every morning and then waited for the school bus.
At that time, my grandma always chased me out and stuffed me ten pennies in my pocket. When I first went to college, my grandma sorted out things for me with tears in her eyes. She knew that I wanted to leave that home, even though I was reluctant to leave.
I endured it and didn't say it out.
But not long after, she passed away.
I really hated my selfishness, and I was determined to leave without thinking about my grandmother's feelings. I once thought that she was probably my only relative in this world, the only person who loved me just because I was her granddaughter.
Jinyang, I'm here to say goodbye to my grandma! I want to tell her a little bit about it.
Grandma once told me that no matter what happens, I will be grateful and bless you with the Lord. In fact, if I don’t believe in the Lord, if there is really the Lord, why do I make me despair again and again?
But when I stood in front of my grandma's grave, I wiped the stains on the photos for her over and over again, and suddenly I felt that the master my grandma said might exist, and he might be looking at me somewhere. His arrangement
, perhaps with other profound meanings.
Jinyang, I miss you!
What are you doing? Are you busy? Are you still angry with me?
July 17th Wu Wen Jinyang
Nini:
I suddenly felt that I was very close to your heart? Why did you come here? Why did you have to be in the UK?
Because you are remembering the past, your childhood, your college, and the green years you spent in the past!
Can I tell you, are I actually very excited? I feel like I have touched your life that I have never participated in before? Your inner loneliness, your strength, and your stubbornness. I feel so distressed and so touched!
Nini, can I tell you, at this moment I love you more than ever before?