Chapter 33 High School Memories, The Source of Pain
Sun Fangfang fell into memories.
"The summer after I graduated from junior high school was probably the happiest few months of my life. After receiving thousands of dollars in scholarships, my parents no longer only regarded my younger brother as their younger brother, and they always praised me for giving birth to a good daughter. At that time,
"Meteor Garden" is very popular. I have been watching it throughout the holidays. I feel that I have never met Shancai from F4. I come from a humble background, but I work hard and refuse to admit defeat. I feel that the future is full of countless possibilities."
"Haha——" Sun Fangfang smiled bitterly.
"But, all my fantasies about the future have been shattered little by little since the day I entered Yuying. I still remember the disgusted expressions on those people's faces when I walked into the dormitory holding that mattress with yellow cotton. That day.
I threw away the mattress at night, and for the three years of high school, I slept on a wooden board with only a sheet on it."
"I don't know if you have ever seen those kind of bed sheets. On market days in villages and towns, you set up a stall in the market and sell some clothes and pants for more than ten yuan. That bed sheet costs 12 yuan, is pink, and has a very ugly cartoon pattern.
It pilled and faded after two washes. At the end of my sophomore year in high school, there was a hole in the middle of the sheets. I was the first to get up and the last to go to bed every day because I was afraid that when I lifted the quilt, they would find that hole on the sheet.
The hole. Slowly, the hole seemed to grow into my heart, getting bigger and bigger..."
"I'm afraid of eating in the cafeteria. I feel like every classmate passing by me is staring at my plate with only vegetables. I'm afraid of the first month of school because there are always endless designated teaching aids.
Information. I don’t like taking physical education classes. Yuying’s physical education classes are very rich, but you need to bring your own special shoes for football and basketball classes, and buy your own rackets for tennis and badminton classes. I can only choose the lowest cost long-distance running, but I still can’t afford it.
With the cheapest pair of sneakers, I wore cloth shoes and won the women’s long-distance running championship in the 3-year sports meeting. But what I was most afraid of was the oral English class. Listening to them imitate me in reading the text, I wanted to cry, curse, and rush out of the classroom.
, to this day, I still wake up from nightmares in speaking classes.”
Sun Fangfang looked at Lin Che and frowned, "Officer Lin, have you ever experienced what it's like to be poor? It's the kind of poverty that's miles away from the people around you."
"Only when I came to Yuying did I realize that a pair of shoes cost thousands of dollars and had to be snatched up. An ice cream smaller than my fist cost dozens of dollars. A piece of chocolate was enough for me to eat in the cafeteria for a week... I watched them take various interest classes.
, dance, musical instruments, calligraphy, I listened to them talk about interesting things about traveling during the winter and summer vacations, including South Korea, the Netherlands, Australia, and, yes, New Zealand.”
Perhaps thinking of her failed trip to New Zealand with Zhou Xinyu, Sun Fangfang smiled sarcastically.
"I didn't eat breakfast for two weeks, so I saved up money to buy movie tickets and watched my first movie in my life, "Infernal Affairs." After graduation, whenever I was in a bad mood, I would watch "Infernal Affairs" again to comfort myself.
At least now I don’t have to go hungry because of a movie ticket. I would listen to my classmates talking about dramas, stage plays, and musicals, and I really wanted to go see them, but I really couldn’t go without breakfast for a whole semester.”
As Sun Fangfang spoke, tears fell down her cheeks, but she seemed not to notice at all and just let the tears flow all over her face.
"Do you think I'm materialistic?"
Su Fangfang looked at Lin Che and Xia Jie, smiled and shook her head. Although it was a question, she didn't seem to need to answer.
"These differences make me feel inferior, and occasionally make me resent God for not being born into a good family, but I really don't care too much, really!"
Sun Fangfang looked serious, "I knew when I was very young that if I wanted to change my destiny, there was only one way, which was to study. I once firmly believed that I would not be poor all my life. I would wait until I was admitted to a good university and found a good job after graduation.
By working, I can definitely become the kind of person I want to be, and even help girls like me who want to change their destiny."
"In the mid-term exam in the first semester of high school, I dropped from 9th place to 17th place. I comforted myself that it was because I didn't adapt to the new teachers in the new school, so I performed abnormally. So I worked harder, and others got up at 6 o'clock.
For morning reading, I get up at 5:30; others turn off the lights and go to bed at 11 o'clock, so I huddle under the quilt and light the desk lamp to study questions until 12 o'clock. After finishing the exercise book I bought, I go to the bookstore to copy, and I go there right after school, copying
I went to the bookstore to close the door, then went back to the dormitory to do the copied questions again, and went to correct the answers the next day. I worked really hard, I thought I could make progress, but unfortunately it backfired. In the final exam, I was the 23rd in the class, and we
There are only 30 students in the class.”
Sun Fangfang's face was full of bitterness. The pain in her eyes was so obvious that she couldn't even hide it. "Then I understood, it's not that I don't work hard, it's that I'm not talented enough and I don't have the conditions. I can stand out in that small county, but only
That’s it. In Yuying, the distance has been growing since birth, so I will never be able to catch up with them on the track of life.”
"Grades are my last self-esteem. But I lost even this last bit of self-esteem. At that time, I felt pitiful and ridiculous. I was obviously very poor, but I looked down on those classmates who came from better families. I was afraid that I would be at the bottom of the class.
I don’t dare to lend my notes to other students, for fear that others will learn more than me..."
"The disillusionment of a bright future makes me miserable every day. The more I want to do well in the exam, the more nervous I become during the exam, so I always perform abnormally. It's like a vicious circle. I am trapped in it and can't find a way out.
.”
"When I got home during the holidays, I wanted to discuss with my parents about transferring back to a high school in the county, but they never listened to what I had to say. They would only ask why my grades were so bad? Did I go to the city and play around with myself? I didn't want to.
Have you studied hard? The family is waiting for you to get ahead. My younger brother will have to rely on you in the future. If you have to keep doing this, why not drop out of school early and go to work to supplement the family income."
"I wanted to talk to my friends, but my friends in junior high school all thought I was doing well, and I wanted to maintain that excellent and proud image in front of them. As for high school, because I had self-esteem and low self-esteem that I didn't always switch between, I didn't take the initiative to make friends.
, they probably also think I have a weird personality, so no one wants to listen to me."
"until……"
The corners of Sun Fangfang's mouth curled up unconsciously, as if she was thinking of something beautiful.
"Until that afternoon, Xinyu, who took a long-distance running class for the first time, ran side by side with me."
"She is tall and beautiful, and her ranking has never fallen out of the top three in her grade. She can play the piano, and her handwriting is beautiful. She always helps the teacher copy questions on the blackboard. She is the captain of the school cheerleading team, a member of the debate team, whatever.
As long as she participates in the competition, she will definitely get a ranking. The girls are always the first to tell her about any gossip they know. The boys either secretly have a crush on her or get along with her like brothers. After class, there are often students from other grades.
Boys ran to the door of our class just to see what the legendary Zhou Xinyu looked like."
"Zhou Xinyu in Yuying is like Sun Fangfang in Changyuan No. 1 Middle School. But she is competing in a phoenix nest, and I am competing in a chicken coop. No matter how dazzling I once was, in front of her, I am just a bird with prettier feathers.
The pheasant is far less dazzling than her colorful phoenix feathers."