Chapter 405 agree with the point of view, psychological shackles
"In the second semester of my junior year, I got pregnant."
At this point, the faint nostalgia on Zeng Siying's face completely disappeared, and the hand holding the ball of wool subconsciously tightened.
"I thought he would be responsible even if he was surprised, but I didn't expect that he asked me to beat the child. He didn't agree with me taking a leave of absence from school first. He said that the current situation meant that I couldn't afford to raise a child, so he asked me to finish college first.
Let’s wait until the restaurant business stabilizes. I got angry with him and went back to the dormitory the next day. A few days later, he took the initiative to find me, and we agreed that after a few days of winter vacation, he would go home with me.
Meet my parents and discuss marriage."
"After the holiday, he said that getting married was a big deal and he was not sincere in going alone. He wanted to go back to his hometown to pick up his parents. He asked me to go back and wait for him first."
"I didn't think too much at the time, so I went back alone. But on the third day after I returned home, I couldn't contact him. I was anxious and scared. I really didn't know what to do, so I told my mother about the matter.
said."
"My mother told my father what happened. If I hadn't been pregnant, I might have been beaten to death by my father that day. My father asked me to beat the child, but I didn't listen. I believed he would come. My father
He was afraid that I would be embarrassed when I went out, so he locked me up at home and wouldn't let me go out. I waited for another half a month, but still no news. After dinner that day, my dad poured me a glass of water, and my stomach started to hurt.
, I knew something was wrong. I lay at the door of the room and begged them to save my child. My mother opened the door and helped me back to bed, while my father told me to shut up, fearing that my shouting would be heard by the next door."
"The bleeding didn't clear up after taking the medicine. I was in pain at home for two days. They had no choice but to take me to see a doctor. They were afraid of being embarrassed, so my dad took me to the county hospital. But it was such an unlucky thing that I happened to meet someone from the village.
The most broken old woman took her daughter-in-law to the county hospital for infertility treatment. When we came back from the hospital, the whole village knew that I was pregnant before I graduated or got married.
There were rumors and all kinds of unpleasant things. My house was very lively in those days. Everyone wanted to come to my house to chat, send some fruits, and borrow something. But in fact, they just wanted to find out more things. It was good after dinner.
Chewing under the trees at the end of the village."
"My dad is such a face-saving person. To him, I was a shame to the whole family. During that time, my dad drank every night. When he drank too much, he would curse, throw things, beat me, and wouldn't let me go to school.
, lock me in the house."
"I have been waiting for almost two months before I received a call from him. He said that there was heavy snow in his hometown, the power lines were damaged, and the roads were blocked. I told him the matter, and he comforted me and said that the child would still be there in the future.
Yes, he doesn't blame me. The more he says this, the more I blame myself for not protecting our children."
"In order to find him, I ran away from home secretly. I was afraid that my father would find me, so I didn't go to school. He and I moved to another city, also near the university, and rented a small shop and opened a Korean restaurant.
Life is going on as before, but the difference is that he started asking me to take birth control pills, saying that when the customer base here stabilizes and my father's anger subsides, the two families can agree to get married before having children."
"I kept thinking about that child, so I deliberately didn't take medicine. A few months later, I became pregnant again. After learning the news, he lost his temper. I had never seen him like this. We had a cold war for a few days.
I thought he had figured it out, bought me a lot of supplements, cooked me a meal, walked with me, watched movies, and ordered several sets of maternity clothes, but I didn’t expect that I would wake up the next day.
By then, he had already left, nothing was left in the house, and he just disappeared without explaining anything."
Tears flowed from Zeng Siying's eyes, with despair in her eyes, "I waited in the rental house for more than a month, but I didn't wait for him. I only waited for the landlord who came to press for the rent. I spent all the money I had on paying the rent. I was really living.
If it doesn’t stop, I have no choice but to go home.”
"From the moment I entered the village, everyone I met looked at me with a strange look, as if I was shameless and had no clothes on. When I got home, my dad still scolded me. Halfway through the scolding, he noticed
My belly had grown bigger again, so he raised his leg and kicked me in the leg. I don’t remember how many times he slapped me in the face. I only remember that I felt dizzy. I also remember how I went to the hospital and how I got the abortion.
It’s unclear.”
"After that, I was locked up at home for more than two years. There were gossips in the village every day. They were angry and embarrassed outside, so when they came back, they called me those words. My mother said I was shameless, and my father called me a bitch.
Bones, they scolded and beat them at the same time..."
Mu Yang pursed his lips and said, "In such an environment, you begin to agree with those who scolded you, right?"
Zeng Siying was stunned for a moment, with a bit of doubt in her expression. She frowned and thought about it before saying, "They were not wrong. I slept with others before I got married and got pregnant. I was really shameless and lost the face of my family."
.”
Mu Yang frowned slightly.
Different values have different views on premarital sex.
Zeng Siying was with the owner of the Korean restaurant, whether it was out of dependence or liking, she gave her true feelings. She was indeed at fault for not protecting herself and being in love, but the one who made more mistakes should be that man
.
But judging from Zeng Siying's reaction, she blamed all the problems on herself and was excessively introspective. This was related to the values instilled in her in the village and at home for a long time.
Under the influence of such values, Zeng Siying would naturally feel inferior and feel guilty and uneasy when facing Zhang Qinde.
"Later I went out to work with people in the village and met a few men, but every time we broke up because I didn't want to have a relationship, it was me who brought it up. I was afraid that they would find out that I was pregnant, and I was also afraid that they would find out that I was pregnant.
What happened before happened again. Until, I met Qinde through the blind date website..."
Zeng Siying smiled slightly, with a hint of sweetness on her face, "He is different from others. He never mentioned doing that kind of thing. He would accompany me to dinner, drive me to play around, and he would do anything I said.
He promised that no matter how busy he was at work, he would send me messages before going to bed. Every time he came back from a business trip, he would bring me gifts. When he saw that I was tired from work, he asked me to quit my job. He took care of me... He really
Treat me very well, very well..."
"One time, he drank too much at a party and we had sex. I was so nervous that I didn't sleep all night for fear that he would find out something. But when I woke up the next day, he actually proposed to me. I never even dreamed of it.
I never thought that a person like me could live like this one day. At that time, I decided that I was destined to follow him in this life."
As Zeng Siying talked, Mu Yang analyzed her psychological changes based on her story.
She had a previous relationship and became pregnant, and the man's irresponsible disappearance left a great psychological shadow and pressure on Zeng Siying. Therefore, Zhang Qinde's act of proposing after the two had a relationship for the first time gave Zeng Siying a great sense of security.
It was also this incident that made Zeng Siying devoted to Zhang Qinde and grateful.
The gossip in the village and the attitude of her family put heavy psychological shackles on Zeng Siying. She believed that she had done something heinous if she lost her so-called virginity. Therefore, no matter how much Zhang Qinde did later, she did not mind, even
He also took the initiative to help, just to make up for his 'mistakes' and to please Zhang Qinde.