This month, I have been thinking about updating again, but my mood is not right. A few days before my birthday, I vowed that starting from today, I will write it out, save some manuscripts, and publish five chapters on my birthday.
Then I thought, publish four chapters.
Three chapters...
Yesterday, I wrote half a chapter, but after thinking about it, I overturned it. Today, I think, maybe there is no more chapter, but fortunately I still wrote it. It is almost 9,000 words. I originally wanted to write more.
, but as midnight approaches, the best emotions have been lost. It is only suitable for recording some things, not very suitable for plotting.
What I can tell you is that there are some problems in life, which are not big things, just small bumps. In the past month, I have been emotionally confused and had two serious quarrels with my wife. Although it should be benign at the moment, it has affected me after all.
My code. For me, this is really a new reason to stop updating, but that’s the fact. Anyway, there is nothing to explain why I stopped updating, right?
I got married to my wife on December 16, 2015, and it has been a year and a half now. Our acquaintance is very ordinary, but also a bit strange. She went to my uncle's store to buy kitchen utensils.
The customer and the boss were bargaining and bargaining. My uncle said you are not married yet.
Let me introduce you to someone, call me to the store, and tell me that he has arrived. I was confused at that time, but when the call came, I had to go politely. I went with my mother.
When I met her and her mother, we had a conversation and she said a few words to me.
Tsk, she's very pretty, has no expression, she's an elite woman, she can't be dated.
This was probably the first impression, but we had already met in person, added her on WeChat, and out of politeness, asked her to watch a movie and have dinner with her. Later, she asked me to have dinner, and after the meal she took the initiative to pay.
Talking about it, she felt that the code writers were all poor, and that was how it should be.
She works at a TV station, right in front of my house, and we hooked up after going back and forth. She is very busy, she has to work overtime at the TV station, and she also works overtime outside the TV station. Speaking of which, she really started to make me feel good. I am afraid that she has been working overtime.
I found out later that she bought a house in the best community here. The house here is very cheap. At that time, it cost more than 3,000 yuan per square meter. She wanted to buy a house for her parents to live in, and she only had 20,000 yuan in her pocket.
For 1 yuan, I went to see the house and sign the contract.
Then there was the constant overtime work. She worked as a technician in the TV station and worked overtime to do special effects. She continued to take jobs outside the TV station, making films for others and organizing activities for others. Then she paid the down payment, handed over the house and started to decorate it. Every time
She poured money into it every month and was able to pay off last month’s credit card. It’s incredible.
I remember that during that time, she was going to take the civil service examination, and she made a phone call and said: "Today we are going to the party school for training, do you want to come with us?" I said, "Okay, let's go and cultivate moral integrity." This was the date at that time.
.
During that time, I always thought of the time when I bought a house at the age of 25. I saved up enough for the down payment and was asked to pay tens of thousands of dollars by my uncle. Later, I refused to pay it back. When it came time to pay the money, the policy increased the down payment from 20% to 100%.
To 30%. I coded in my room every day, and my hair fell out after I got up. At that time, I was writing "Alienation", which was particularly difficult. On the one hand, I wanted to write more, but on the other hand, I thought I must not live without it.
Quality. I cried several times.
I think I found a treasure.
Our original intention to be together was sincere and I wanted to help her share these things. She has a strong personality and is not good at pleasing the boss. She works overtime all day long at the TV station. I often deliver food. Since the boss was changed in the second half of 2015, my life
It was even more sad. One day at noon, I heard that a leader was coming to visit me.
According to the investigation, the chief editor of the TV station, Lao Huang, asked the technical department to stay in the office at noon and not let them go to eat. I brought the food to him at about one o'clock. A man who looked like a leader came over and saw it and asked: "Ah, you haven't eaten yet."
?" Later I found out that it was the editor-in-chief who had previously ordered not to go out for dinner.
Another night, when it was time to edit the film before getting off work, the station manager and the editor-in-chief were guarding the editing in the technical department. They went like this: the station manager went to eat first, and then went to eat for the editor-in-chief. The technicians were not allowed to eat.
I’ve seen leaders who ask people to work overtime, and leaders who don’t allow people to eat when they work overtime. It’s really weird.
I always wanted her to resign, even if I wanted to support her, it would be fine, but she was unwilling. After getting married, I considered having children, and there was a shortage of people in the station, so I asked her to guard the computer room. It was said that there was radiation, so she was finally willing to resign.
Thank God.
Less than a month after I resigned, I went to work in a library again. I said the library was relaxing.
However, the library is a place where some officials and wives spend their retirement.
So I became a working technician again. I worked in the library for a month, helped people write two articles, and won two inexplicable awards. One article had my name on it. A group of old employees who had been working in the library for many years made me
She made up for the year-end summaries of several years, and because she had no background, she always made people jealous.
What a strange ecological environment.
There are still many things to do, but in short, I finally decided to leave this year. The library was downgraded from level one to level three. This year, it will even maintain level three. The director asked her to "take up the work". There is also a person in the library.
The accountant always criticizes her, asking her to do things while criticizing her at the same time. Can you imagine that an accountant has not done any accounting for several years, and when the working group moves into the cultural department, he asks a new employee who has been in the library for half a year to help fill in the accounts?
After leaving the library, she went to sell flowers again. Her classmate opened a wholesale department in Changsha, and she saw business opportunities again. During this period, we went to Guangzhou for a trip. Within seven days, she came to live with her aunt.
She ran around to buy things. I booked the best hotel for her to rest, but she couldn't rest. After visiting Guangzhou, she had to go back to sell flowers. So we had a quarrel.
I'm also very tired.
For a year and a half or even longer, I always had only one purpose, which was to reduce her burden. We were not short of money. Although my income from writing books was not as good as that of famous masters, it was still enough to live a moderately prosperous life.
As time goes by, I can even travel at any time with my computer on my back. The most important thing is that I don’t have many partners yet, no
A dinner party that must be attended by those who have to socialize. This is really the best life. I hope she understands that we don’t lack anything and don’t have so many burdens anymore. We can buy what we want and go where we want.
I haven't been out alone for a year and a half. In the past, I would have taken a few trips every year. I even canceled the Qidian annual meeting.
But her heart couldn't settle down.
Maybe I didn't do enough, maybe I didn't do it right. I also hope to be able to be like in novels and on TV, moistening things silently waiting for her to suddenly be able to let go one day, without so much sense of urgency, at least for now.
Didn't arrive.
So we had a few quarrels.
She has also had psychological problems for a long time, and her emotional control is immature. She often gets sulky because of other people's problems, and then can't eat. She is 1.68 meters tall, weighs 80 kilograms, and is almost as thin as a rib.
The problem she encountered after selling flowers was that her mother, my mother-in-law, kept saying that selling flowers was pointless and wanted her to go back to work in the civil service.
My mother-in-law is also a strange person. She has a really good heart, but she is just a child. She jumps up and down about one thing or another, hoping that everyone can follow her pace. The first New Year's Eve after we got married was
In my parents-in-law’s house, my wife just gritted her teeth and decorated it.
I live in a good house, but I haven’t bought all the furniture. The living room is cold and there is no air conditioning. My father-in-law is hiding under the quilt and watching TV. My mother-in-law is saying she is tired while walking up and down. What do you want to eat? Do you want to eat dumplings?
I went and worked on it all night, and at that time I felt that he was really a good person.
When my wife goes to work, she has to go to her workplace every day and point out everything she encounters. She likes civil servants, so she despises flower shops and so on. My wife is often said to be depressed. Sometimes, my mother-in-law even doesn’t even do her daily routine.
I have to call to give instructions for three meals, whether lunch is done, whether lunch has been eaten... I couldn't eat yesterday, and we had another quarrel. My mood will hardly be affected.
No one else interfered. After I got married, there was only one more person. After returning to Guangzhou for a month, I was in a very bad mood and full of frustration. I was not in the right mood to write, and I had a headache because of anxiety. I just said
, it has been a year and a half, and I have done what I should do. If your emotions have been affected by various influences, and finally affect your body, what should I do? Do you want to give up the lives of two people?
What should be let go must be let go.
She had a fight with Her Majesty the Queen Mother today and came back crying. Her Majesty the Queen Mother was worried about her and called me. I also told Her Majesty the Queen Mother. How can a thirty-year-old person have to ask for food all day long?
, we can do many things by ourselves. After I finished talking, I was afraid that she would be mad to death, so I sent a message to my father-in-law to ask if she was mad to death...
She is also a really good person, a kind-hearted person that is hard to see in society.
In fact, in real life, there are many mothers-in-law who are difficult to get along with. Many times I think about it, my mother-in-law is really... not difficult to get along with. She sincerely cares about us, and hopes that we will behave like a sixty-year-old cadre.
We live our lives according to our lifestyle... Of course, it is best for us to remain civil servants.
Sometimes I think that my wife lacks a sense of accomplishment in her life.
She is actually very talented and can pick up everything quickly. She can have her own insights into art, design, photography, and flower arrangement. However, she is not good at flattering communication and has insufficient emotional management skills. Since entering the society, she has always been rewarded.
Not consistent with ability. Initially graduated from school
, she did game design and even had her own studio. She could earn a monthly salary of 30,000 yuan in her early twenties. After that, she returned to Wangcheng hoping to take care of her mother, but her mother rushed to let her enter.
Once she entered that bureaucratic system, she would not get any sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes I watched her doing this and that awkwardly and anxiously, trying to find a way out. There was a time when she even wanted to do a live broadcast. Most of the people on her Weibo were my book fans. She would live broadcast about flower arranging and cheating in exams.
Twice, I showed my face and left. I think she hopes that her success is her own success, and she has
I wanted to make clothes for a while, and tried desperately to contact the manufacturers in Guangzhou. After seeing the increase in fans on my Weibo, I excitedly said to me: "Now I am all your fans. I will open an online store and start...
"Powder washing." I said you spend some money to do it first. I'll pay for the first store to gain experience.
She couldn't bear it.
She likes to watch the live broadcast of an Internet celebrity on the Internet. The Internet celebrity always broadcasts her own life. She is a woman. I didn't like it. She said she was watching people's lives. I said the broadcast was so smooth that life was all over the place.
It's fake and deceptive.
Those clumsy live broadcasts of flower arrangements to a group of book fans, and then seeing fewer and fewer people, are real.
That kind of clumsiness is so cute.
We can tell ten thousand great truths about life and write them into books to make them convincing.
As for reality, I think we are all struggling awkwardly in our own quagmire.
Hope my wife can find inner peace.
I hope my mother-in-law can understand that everyone has their own life.
Although it is more likely that today's quarrel will turn into a bloody fight tomorrow. It is nothing more than life. I think I am still very lucky.
I originally didn’t plan to write this year’s essay, because few people would write about these trivial things about life on a public platform, especially if it’s real life. But then I thought about it, it’s pretty good, there’s nothing I can’t say.
Over the years, most of the friends I can talk to in life are far away. In fact, I have basically lost the desire to talk to the people around me. I am still used to writing them on paper or on the computer. Whoever can see it is me.