Let me report the current situation and ask for a few days off.
I just said one sentence the day before yesterday and stopped updating. I am very embarrassed, so I will report my recent situation here.
It has become increasingly difficult for me to write in the past three years. I have a detailed outline and know what I should write and what I want to write. Many plots are decided very early. But some psychological factors make my mind go blank as soon as I open Word.
, I was even so stressed that I felt nauseated. It wasn’t until I actually vomited it up after sitting for more than ten hours the day before yesterday that I realized that I was really in trouble. I went to the hospital for diagnosis and found out that I have a tendency to be depressed and anxious.
Fortunately it's not serious.
Under the guidance of the doctor, I did some reflection. Three years ago, I wrote that "fantasy" is a layer of "eggshell" wrapped around the fragile spirit, providing an environment for the growth of the still weak self -
This is the meaning of the existence of "fairy tales", "virtual" and "fantasy stories". I have always thought so. For me, "creating fantasy themes" is a process of building barriers.
But this book is slightly different. It is not pure fantasy. It started out of my resentment and unwillingness to deal with the history of modern magic. You should understand it if you look at the first chapter of the work. Three years ago I was
Full of resentment. But this emotion could not last for three years.
"Fantasy" is a very strange thing. You have to pretend to believe it to get the maximum enjoyment. If you really believe it, it won't be fun. For example, I can pretend to believe that there is a man named "Mengote"
A poor guy who is spurned but longs to love. He can become strong and good with his quick and slow sword skills and infinite sword skills - and then enjoy the sense of accomplishment of hunting him. But if I believe that there really is such a person in the world
, then when I took the knife, I no longer had a pure sense of accomplishment.
Because you just pretend to believe, you can break out of your shell at any time. As long as you are strong enough.
But "catharsis" is different. If you don't believe it is real, it will be meaningless if you output it to a fake thing, and you will feel boring.
Therefore, if we use the metaphor of "eggshell", "Cyber Heroes" is abnormal. It is cracked.
At the same time, it's too long, I've been doing it for three years. But then again, it's my bread and butter.
I had to force myself to write. The more I wrote, the more torture I got. At the same time, I wrote slower and slower, falling into a vicious circle. But the pressure of survival prevented me from stopping.
I have to think about it.
Of course, I don’t plan to read this book. I love creation very much, and I have devoted a lot of emotion to this book. But in a short period of time, my illness has made it impossible for me to continue to torture myself. I will take a few days off to read it.
Let’s see the effect. Maybe I will create some more highly fantasy-themed works to heal myself, and maybe I will choose to open two books in the future, alternately.