Chen Nuo was sitting in the living room at home that night.
Not on the sofa, but sitting on the floor, holding his knees with his hands, looking up at the portrait of the old lady on the wall.
It seems that in this strange home, only this portrait is the only familiar thing left.
Finally, as if it was dawn, a hint of determination suddenly flashed in the young man's eyes.
He staggered up, walked back to his room, and started looking through the drawers at home.
First, find the money.
I found some cash in the bedside table in the bedroom. There are always tens of thousands of dollars.
Chen Nuo looked at the stack of banknotes, hesitated, and counted eight hundred yuan from the middle.
"This is mine...the others are not mine."
Chen Nuo sighed, and then found his ID card and student ID card.
He found a safe in the closet, but he didn't know the password - and had no interest in knowing it.
After taking a look at the safe, he looked away and picked out two clothes he recognized from the wardrobe and put them on.
Finally, he pulled out a one-shoulder backpack and threw everything in it.
Standing in front of the mirror of the wardrobe, I looked at myself.
Chen Nuo returned to the living room, climbed onto the chair again, took off the portrait, took a towel, carefully wrapped it up, and solemnly put it in his schoolbag.
·
At around seven o'clock in the morning, Chen Nuo went out.
Close the door - but you can't lock it without the key.
Well, the doors in the house are all new.
Chen Nuo went downstairs and walked out of the community.
I bought a steamed rice bag with fried dough sticks for breakfast on the side of the road. I glanced at the busy pedestrians running around during the early morning rush hour. Chen Nuo ate the breakfast in his hand and walked forward along the road.
After waiting at the bus stop for more than ten minutes, the boy struggled to get on the bus with the crowd.
During the turbulence, he always carefully held his shoulder bag in front of him, for fear that others would squeeze the portrait frame in the bag.
The bus during the morning rush hour was as crowded as a can of sardines, and the young man endured it silently and endured it.
Half an hour later, Chen Nuo got off the bus and walked for more than ten minutes, finally arriving at a place.
Jinling Railway Station.
It was still too early and the ticket window had not opened yet, but there were already many people queuing outside the window. Some people were sitting directly on the suitcases.
In this era, in 2001, smart phones had not yet come out, and the Internet was only in its infancy, so it goes without saying that there are online ticket purchasing channels.
Chen Nuo stood quietly at the end of the queue, then waited in silence.
·
At ten o'clock in the morning, Chen Nuo came out of the ticket hall, holding a train ticket tightly in his hand.
From Jinling to Shanghai, T138.
This is already the earliest flight available.
The clothes I put on before going out have become wrinkled after being squeezed by the crowds on the bus and the queues at the ticket window. The shoes under my feet were also stepped on by people while squeezing on the bus.
Chen Nuo took the ticket and ID and entered the waiting hall. After the security check, he sat in the waiting hall and continued to be in a daze in silence.
·
"What does he want to do?"
"I don't know, just follow it and see."
The deer sighed slowly.
Four women, plus Senior Brother Wu, were watching the boy silently at the foot of the waiting hall.
·
At around 2:40 in the afternoon, Chen Nuo walked out of the Shanghai Railway Station.
My body is filled with the smell of smoke from instant noodles.
On the train, when the passenger sitting next to me was making noodles, he accidentally spilled a little soup and splashed on Chen Nuo's T-shirt.
They apologized very politely, and Chen Nuo accepted it silently without saying a word.
Standing in this strange city, strange train station, strange square.
Chen Nuo was actually a little timid and confused, but for a moment, he hugged the shoulder bag in his hand and felt the hard photo frame in the bag. Suddenly, the young man felt a little more courage in his heart.
Not much social experience.
My experience of traveling far away is basically zero.
But the young man remembered what he had heard from others before. After walking out of the train station, he rejected several illegal taxi drivers who came to talk to him. He just found a policeman patrolling the roadside, asked for directions, and left in front of the train station on foot.
's square.
Well, I bought a few steamed buns from a fast food restaurant with a big sign on the south side of the square.
I remember hearing the name of this store from a classmate who had been to Shanghai before in class. I remember that the price was not expensive and the taste was pretty good.
Xinya big bag.
After buying two meat buns and a bottle of mineral water, Chen Nuo walked on the streets of Shanghai.
After walking about a few hundred meters, it was estimated that we were already some distance away from the train station. Chen Nuo stopped a taxi on the side of the road, enduring the pain in his body.
·
At around three o'clock, Chen Nuo stood in Lujiazui.
In 2001, Lujiazui, Shanghai, was far from the large and impressive group of skyscrapers of later generations.
Jin Mao naturally does not exist, and Shanghai Center naturally does not exist.
Super Brand Plaza is still the landmark here, a comprehensive shopping mall. The Shangri-La Hotel on the riverside is still a symbol of high-end hotels.
Oh, by the way, Tomson’s first-grade products are not available yet.
The place where Chen Nuo stood was outside the fence wall of the Pearl Tower.
There are still the last few days of summer vacation, and there are still some crowds of student parties and tourists.
Chen Nuo bought a ticket and followed the crowd in. He looked at the tourists around him, some of whom were families, and some of whom were hanging out with friends.
Chen Nuo, who was alone, walked silently through the crowd and looked at the tourists who were taking pictures with digital cameras in their hands. In fact, he felt a little envious in his heart.
However, after pinching the photo frame in his bag, the boy's expression calmed down.
(I'm not alone either.)
·
After queuing for a long time, we finally got on the elevator and arrived at the Pearl Tower.
Pass the stairs to the famous glass floor...
For the first time, the boy's face showed the eager and childish expression that is unique to older boys of this age.
Curious and scared, I walked up the glass plank step by step, and then looked at the transparent glass under my feet in surprise, which felt like a cliff.
Pedestrians looked like ants, cars looked like train boxes.
After waking up, for the first time, a smile appeared on Chen Nuo's lips unconsciously.
After hesitating for a moment, Chen Nuo began to observe the nearby crowd, then found the target and walked over.
·
A man who specialized in business and took tourist photos was pulled by Chen Nuo.
Taking the initiative to strike up a conversation made the boy a little nervous.
The veteran businessman quickly saw through the young man's background and quoted a high price of eighty yuan.
The young man thought for a while, and although he knew it was robbing people, he agreed.
When the cameraman picked up the instant camera, Chen Nuo suddenly shouted: "Wait a minute!"
He quickly walked to the tower, found a place where he thought he had the best view, and then dug out the contents of his bag.
Opening the layers of towels, he carefully took out the frame of grandma's portrait and held it in his arms.
Facing the cameraman who looked a bit complicated, he showed his brightest smile.
"Please, please take a clear picture!"
·
When paying, the shady cameraman looked at the young boy in front of him and hesitated.
"Forget it, fifty."
·
When he walked into the tower, Chen Nuo held the photos taken with the Polaroid camera in his hand and fanned them gently. After a few fannings, he couldn't help but look at them. After fanning them a few times, he couldn't help but look at them.
Seeing the image in the photo becoming clearer and clearer, a joyful smile bloomed at the corner of the boy's mouth.
·
"My classmates said they went to Shanghai for fun at the weekend. The Pearl Tower is so tall and very fun!"
"Xiao Nuo... study hard and take the exam well. At the end of the semester, you will get 80%. Grandma will take you to the Shanghai market to eat steamed buns and see the Pearl Tower, okay?"
"Grandma, when will you be discharged from the hospital?"
"After your final exam, grandma will be discharged from the hospital. Study hard, you know?"
·
Fanning himself, the boy held the photo in his arms.
In the photo, the young man smiled brightly and held a framed black and white portrait in his arms.
"Grandma, I came to the Pearl Tower, we came together..."
·
In my memory, the image of grandma seems to be stuck in the hospital ward, wearing a blue hospital gown, with an intravenous needle always stuck on the back of her hand.
Skinny hands with bulging veins.
There was also the pungent smell of disinfectant in the air.
The walls of the hospital wards are so white, so white that it's scary.
When I was sitting in front of the hospital bed doing homework, my grandma always liked to stare at me like that.
As she watched, the old lady couldn't help but shed a few tears, then silently turned her head away and wiped them away gently.
There were a few times when Chen Nuo actually saw it, but he didn't dare to say anything because he was afraid that if he said something, grandma might be even more sad...
Until that afternoon two years ago.
Grandma finally left.
Chen Nuo didn't cry at that time and didn't shed a single tear.
He seemed to be in a state of dissociation and confusion, as if he didn't understand what was happening at all.
Until a few days later, at the funeral home.
Chen Nuo always felt a sense of absurdity when looking at her grandma lying there quietly when the body was saying goodbye.
It seemed as if grandma would open her eyes at any time, wave to herself, call her to her side, comb her hair with her fingers, then put a fruit candy in her mouth with a smile.
But that day...
All this.
Gone.
All gone.
Not anymore.
·
That morning, Chen Nuo stood there, and finally, as if very slow, very slow, he realized the fact: that old lady who went out to buy vegetables with a basket on her back every morning.
The old man who would bring back wontons in an enamel cup for breakfast.
The grandma who would pick edamame beans and watch her homework with a smile.
She would never again take peeled oranges and heat them by the stove in winter and hand them to herself.
She would never again yell at herself when she was naughty and broke her knees in the summer.
She would never again go to school with faltering steps to hold a parent-teacher meeting for herself, and then come back to face herself feeling guilty for not doing well in the exam, and use her skinny hands to comb her hair.
She would never again take out the change wrapped in a handkerchief with a smile when she was coveting other children's cream ice cream but didn't dare to ask for it, then pinched out a dime and handed it to herself, saying...
"Go and buy one. Grandma wants to eat it too. Grandma will eat it with you."
But when she bought it with a smile, she would smile and say to herself with leaky teeth:
"Xiao Nuo, let's eat. Grandma is old and has bad teeth, so she can't eat cold food."
·
That day, Chen Nuo understood: this person is no longer with her.
Now, she was just lying quietly in the small wooden box in her hand.
That summer of 1997.
Chen Nuo knew something.
In this world, the person who cares about you the most and loves yourself the most.
At the same time, he is also the only person in this world who cares about himself and loves himself.
She is gone.
From then on, there were thousands of worlds and a vast sea of people.
I'm the only one left.
·
Holding the "photo" with his grandma and sitting in a chair on the Pearl Tower, the young man had a smile on his face.
Then, tears rolled down one by one.
"Grandma, I came to the Pearl Tower, we came together..."
·
·
[Sorry, that’s all for today, I can’t write anymore.
Halfway through writing this chapter, I was already crying like a fool.
Everything Chen Nuo's grandma does in the article is what my grandma once did to me.