Guo Shuang's blurted question made the tense atmosphere between the two people disappear. Sheng Chuncheng felt a little relieved. He slowed down his tone and continued to talk to Guo Shuang:
"I guess you are very beautiful and smart. You have been the kind of child who was pampered by your parents and teachers since you were a child. You are very proud, but in fact you are also very fragile. You are afraid of being caught up by others. Teachers and parents'
Praise puts a lot of pressure on you, and you put even more pressure on yourself.
"While insisting on being excellent, you often doubt your own abilities and feel whether you are that good. This makes you worry about gains and losses, and care about your image in the eyes of others. You have learned to be well-behaved and ingratiating, and put the truth into perspective.
You hide yourself. In today’s terms, it means you have a performing personality, that is…”
"The drama queen and the green bitch, right?" Guo Shuang snorted and asked.
"No, drama queens and green bitches are performed consciously. In order to achieve a certain goal, you have no purpose and will naturally show it. It can be said that you are naturally developed, and drama queens and green bitches are
, it’s still different.” Sheng Chuncheng said.
The light show in Qianjiang New Town across the river began. Those bright, constantly changing lights were instantly weakened on the lenses of Sheng Chuncheng's sunglasses. They were no longer colorful, but turned into countless black shadows, shaking
It moves back and forth, making people unpredictable.
When Sheng Chuncheng was talking, Guo Shuang looked at him intently. It was precisely because he was blind that she would look at him so wildly and unscrupulously. Otherwise, her pride would have made her more restrained.
Guo Shuang felt that he really underestimated this blind man. Blind people can only give people massages, squat on the roadside like in movies and TV shows, or go from village to house under the guise of telling people's fortunes.
Wow, I didn’t expect that this blind man really hit me when he opened his mouth, and he had a very bad temper.
Thinking that Sheng Chuncheng had a very bad temper, Guo Shuang couldn't help but smile, and then thought that his temper was bad enough, but he didn't expect that he would meet his opponent today.
Guo Shuang actually knows that her temper is very bad. It's so bad that she hates herself most of the time. She hates herself as soon as she speaks out her words. She knows that it's not good, but when she shows it, it's still the same. She just can't control herself, probably.
Because of this, she is a patient.
Guo Shuang was actually very anxious about being a patient. When she was alone, she would often go to Baidu to compare her symptoms one by one. When she found out that she had all the symptoms, she was very depressed and felt hopeless.
Every time her parents took her to Shanghai to see Dr. Qin for medical treatment, she seemed careless, but in fact, she tried hard to listen to every word the doctor said and remembered it in her heart. When she got home, she took the medicine she needed.
She always takes it on time.
She herself wanted to have a miraculous way to get better from her illness, to have her illness disappear without a trace as soon as she woke up. But every time, she just couldn't control herself. She felt that sometimes, she was like a
A match will light up when you hit it, no, no, like a firecracker, it will explode when you hit it. Sometimes it is like a popsicle, watching itself melt away bit by bit, but there is nothing that can be done.
Every time when she gets sick, Guo Shuang knows that she has a mental blockage. She really wants to be free from the blockage and wants to resolve herself, but is unable to do anything. Then because of her inability to do anything, she panics about herself and feels that she
His whole life is over, and he is an incorrigible lunatic.
Thinking that she was an incorrigible lunatic, she couldn't get motivated to do anything, and she found it unpleasant to look at everyone, especially her mother. She wanted to stab her constantly. Why did she look so similar to her?
, but she is fine and has nothing wrong with her, and if she wants to turn herself into a lunatic, who should she blame if not her?
"Is there more?" Guo Shuang asked.
Sheng Chuncheng said: "Yes, of course, when you were in school in Hangzhou, everyone thought you were excellent, and you also thought you were excellent. But when you arrived at university, you found that there was no one in the class who was not outstanding.
, those classmates are even better than you. The feeling that you stand out from the crowd is gone all of a sudden. Among this bunch of people, you are nothing at all.
"At this time, you were hit hard and felt that your previous life was a scam, a scam that was carefully crafted around you. Now this scam has suddenly been exposed, and you have revealed your true colors. It turns out that you are just an ordinary person.
.
"You have worked so hard and put so much effort into maintaining your character. In the eyes of others, it is worthless. No one is giving you a fuck. In your own eyes, it has collapsed. At this time, you are not doubting yourself.
But I hate it all, and have a deep sense of disillusionment..."
When Sheng Chuncheng said this, he was actually talking about himself. However, his disillusionment with himself did not begin in college, but in high school.
When Sheng Chuncheng was in junior high school in his hometown, his grades were always at the top of his grade and he was never surpassed by anyone. The teachers all said that he was a top student and a genius. He himself also thought that he was a top student and a genius.
Through his connections, his father got him to go to Qiandao Lake to attend high school. When Sheng Chuncheng went there, he went there with the idea that he wanted to save the school. If a top student and genius like himself came, how could he go there?
Don’t let that school flourish?
Unexpectedly, after school started, Sheng Chuncheng was dumbfounded. He found that this school was full of top students and geniuses. For the first math test, Sheng Chuncheng only ranked fifth from the bottom, which he felt was a great shame.
A top student turns into a scumbag.
He himself didn't believe his score, thinking that the teacher had made a mistake in marking the paper. However, after checking the correct answers, he discovered that he was wrong.
He also discovered a fatal problem, that is, the problem-solving ideas he had trained in the rural middle school were completely wrong. He, a top academic, was mistakenly planted by the rural junior high school.
The results of the subsequent exams in other courses did not change at all. No matter how hard Sheng Chuncheng worked, his results were always among the bottom ten in the class. It could be said to be a complete defeat. This made Sheng Chuncheng
I was completely hopeless and had a deep sense of disillusionment.
During the three years of high school, he spent most of his time in ignorance, constantly doubting and denying himself, until he finally got admitted to a bad university.
Looking back now, Sheng Chuncheng feels that he could have worked hard and failed to learn well in the countryside. Even if he was slapped on the head, as long as he held on to three years of high school, he could still catch up.
No matter how hard you work, that's why Sheng Chuncheng was very anxious when he heard that Chuni was also on her own path.
He felt that Guo Shuang was also like this. After being disillusioned, he embarked on a path of self-destruction and self-destruction.
Sheng Chuncheng gave up on himself at that time, and another reason was that he felt that he had a way out. Anyway, his parents had bought him a house in Qiandao Lake, and there was also a minibus at home. If he couldn't go to college, he would take over the steering wheel of his father and go there.
It's not bad to drive a minibus and be a Qiandao Lake native. There are so many people from Hangzhou and Shanghai who go to Qiandao Lake to buy houses.
Unexpectedly, if something happened to his parents, everything would be wiped out. He had already become ashes. Even if he wanted to be disillusioned, there would be nothing left to destroy.