"Can people really see themselves clearly, Mr. Sheng?" Baobao asked.
Sheng Chuncheng happened to think about this problem, and what he finally came up with was a lake of slurry. He said: "No, I don't think people can see themselves clearly at all. People are often scared by themselves."
"Yes, Mr. Sheng, what you said is so good. People are often scared by themselves." Bao Bao said, "I had a similar feeling when I was studying high-energy physics. The more I studied, the more it seemed like metaphysics and theology. That's it.
Many things cannot be verified and can only be supported by conjecture and belief. If this is the case, what is the difference between science and religion?
"The same is true for people's understanding of themselves. It is impossible for people to know their own cowardice and depravity until they have experienced things. It is impossible to know the evil and despicable nature of human nature. If it were ten years ago, someone would have said
, when I encounter something like this, I will think about it for a long time, hesitate, and finally choose to swallow my anger. I will not believe anything I say.
"It's a joke. If you snap your legs, why don't you break your legs? What else is there to say? If you can even tolerate this, are you still a human being? I would have thought so at that time. Yes, people are in that world.
Who are you afraid of at your age? You can see that the future is infinitely broad and you have too many possibilities.
"But by that night, there was no more. I felt that my future was just a narrow gap. I didn't have too many possibilities. I had almost no choice. With a big belly and a son,
I have to worry about carrying so many things that I can't walk, run, let alone fly.
"Once, I was in Vientiane City and walked into a store. The store was playing a song by a rock singer from your mainland. It said, 'I can't walk and I can't cry, because my body is dry'..."
"Cui Jian's "A Piece of Red Cloth"." Sheng Chuncheng said.
"That's right, it's his. It's so well written. When I heard it, I stood there and tears flowed down uncontrollably. It was like I was in the laboratory and felt my son moving in my belly.
I feel like I'm like this, I can't walk or cry, my body is dry, I don't have the strength, and I don't have the courage anymore.
"When I was young, as a girl, I dared to go from Taipei to the United States, to a place where I didn't know anyone. I don't know when that courage disappeared. Now I can't even step out of my house, and I can't even talk to you.
He didn't even have the courage to fall out. At that moment, I didn't hate him, but I hated myself. I said to myself, Chen Baozhen, why are you like this?!"
When the baby said this, tears flowed out of her eyes again, and she cried softly. Sheng Chuncheng handed her a tissue, and she said thank you. She spread the tissue in her hand, and then buried her face in it, rugged.
The body keeps rising and falling.
Sheng Chuncheng looked at her and felt that her body was really dry. Sheng Chuncheng looked a little heartbroken. He didn't know how many sleepless nights the baby had experienced. She looked at the ceiling or the night sky outside the window in the dark.
, a pair of big eyes opened innocently, but the whole person was burning like an oil lamp.
The baby raised his head and she said: "The next morning, during breakfast, he told me that this weekend, either our family will go on a trip, can you afford it? If so, we will go to Hong Kong.
"I was sneering in my heart and feeling disgusted. I knew he was pretending to be flattering and wanted to show me that he still values our family and my son very much. He has changed.
He said these words just to let me know this. I sat there without saying anything, but my son cheered and said he was going to Disneyland.
"We finally went to Hong Kong, which was also our last trip. Later, after my daughter was born, I took them back to Taipei every year, always by myself. He was also happy with it. It was more convenient for him when we were away.
.
"Although I pretended to be nonchalant, he was still wary of me. He changed the password on his mobile phone almost once a week, but it was easily cracked by me every time. It doesn't mean anything to me if I don't set a password for myself.
There is no number, I'm afraid I won't remember it if I set it, and it's a mobile phone password. It's impossible to say where I wrote the password. I carry it with me, so it must be memorized in my head.
"He set up the password to prevent me, so let him tell me and my son, and exclude all the days related to us, such as birthdays and wedding anniversaries. What's left is, for example, his
Work number, license plate number, office phone number, etc., as well as dates related to the woman, such as her birthday.
"Although I haven't seen her ID card, they have it on WeChat. On her birthday, he would send red envelopes. The day they had sex for the first time, he called Shang Tianjuan Gu Ri, and she called Toad Eat Until Swan Day.
, they will also commemorate and send red envelopes. All their important days are traced in their WeChat conversations. I have memorized these. His mobile phone password cannot escape these.
"Every night, when he goes to the bathroom to take a bath, he likes to soak in the bathtub. It takes a long time. While he is taking a bath, I take his mobile phone, open it and watch it. I watch it like porn every day. Do you think it has become a pervert?
I even feel that I am disgusting and perverted.
"I was just cursing myself and watching with gusto. I saw him and the woman quarreling and breaking up. Their company is a very formal company after all. Even in his position, he can't do whatever he wants, and he can't be too obvious to others.
It can be seen that he is conveying benefits to her, and there is big data. Big data is still the main basis for their ranking.
"The woman probably felt that she didn't get everything she wanted from him, so she started to be dissatisfied with him. The two started to quarrel, but he didn't care because before they broke up, he was obsessed with another female internet celebrity.
Anyway, for him, there shouldn’t be too many internet celebrities coming close to him, he has no shortage of such women.
】
"That's how I am, watching him and other women perform pornographic movies every day, but pretending not to know anything. There is a pile of shit around me, and I feel sick every day, but I am still in the same bed every day, and I feel that I
It all started to stink. Fortunately, since then, he has been slutty outside. He is already tired and has no desire to go home. I won't let him touch it, and he wants it even more.
"From that day to now, all these years, I haven't even let him touch my hands when we are in bed. When I really don't want to look at his phone, I go to sleep with my daughter. I have said that depravity can also be addictive.
I really feel uncomfortable if I don't look at his phone for two or three days, and I can't help but check it again.
"At the beginning, I made up my mind that I would wait until my daughter was born. When my daughter was actually born, there would be no time to think about other things. Of course, I had to feed my daughter, and wait until my daughter was weaned and started to talk.
When I grow up and don't need my company, I feel that I am used to being next to a piece of shit, and I can already ignore him sleeping next to him.
“You yourself don’t know the cowardice of people, you don’t know the extent to which people will fall, you also don’t know your tolerance for the outside world, and your ability to adapt to the environment.
"After I got used to it, I no longer even thought about divorce. No matter what he did, I treated him as if he didn't exist and he couldn't hurt me anymore. However, I have insomnia every day, and insomnia has become a habit of mine."