She cried for a while before she stopped crying. The makeup on her cheeks had just been cleaned off, and her eyes looked a little red and swollen, and she looked very haggard.
Ning Yuan didn't say anything after passing the tissue. He just sat down silently and asked, "Do you want to inform your family to come over and see you?"
"No need." Lin Xiaoya looked blank for a moment, then lowered her head and whispered softly: "They won't come."
"..."
"I will repay you the money for hospital treatment when the time comes...Thank you for sending me to the hospital."
"Actually, strictly speaking, the ambulance brought you here." Ning Yuan tried to change the subject, pretending to be relaxed: "Although according to the general procedure, I should ask you why your parents won't come over now, but you don't seem to want to.
This topic comes up, so let’s just skip it.”
"My parents are divorced..."
"Feel sorry."
"There is nothing to be sorry for." Lin Xiaoya said quietly: "Divorce is their business and has nothing to do with you."
"Don't you want to ask why that girl would retaliate against me in this way?"
"Everyone has his own life." Master Ning shrugged: "If you want to say something, I can be your audience for a while... although I can't figure out a lot of things myself right now."
"Thanks."
"There's nothing to thank you for."
Lin Xiaoya was silent for a while, as if she was thinking about where to start. After a while, she raised her slightly red eyes and spoke in a tired but somewhat relieved tone.
"I told you before...we actually went to the same school in elementary school, right?"
"My parents had not yet divorced at that time. I had been living in a happy and sweet dream since I was a child. My mother was gentle and occasionally a little strict, and my father doted on me unconditionally. Just like many ordinary families."
"When I was young, my mother worked as a faculty member and my father was a moderate leader in a state-owned enterprise. Their marriage was as stable and enviable as their jobs. Everyone would express their feelings when they met our family.
They looked with yearning in their eyes, as if this was the most beautiful look of their family in their eyes. They loved each other, were well matched, and had a beautiful daughter..."
"Later, my father quit his job and started a company in partnership with his friends. There was a slight improvement at first, and he changed cars and houses... My mother was originally very opposed to my father resigning, but then she saw that the conditions at home gradually became better and started to
Turn a blind eye and close one eye..."
"My father had more and more social activities, and my mother simply quit her job to focus on taking care of the family. Originally, everything was shrouded in a beautiful illusion...until one day I caught my father cheating on me."
Lin Xiaoya's tone paused, and a sarcastic smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. She didn't know whether she was laughing at her father or someone else.
"He was very panicked when I bumped into him. While coaxing me, he desperately told me not to tell my mother about this... He also promised that he would never contact that aunt again... It would be better for my mother."
"I was still young at that time, so ignorant that I didn't know what to do. I struggled and hesitated for a long time, and even wrote letters to those close friends on TV... But in the end, before I could mentally build up... my dad
I found evidence that my mother started cheating a long time ago."
"He flew into a rage and grabbed my mother's hair like a madman. His voice was so loud that the neighbor almost called the police... I hid in the corner alone and watched them perform. This former model couple, the golden child, were performing a funny show in front of me.
clown show."
"Later...my dad began to doubt whether I was his biological child and wanted to take me for a paternity test. My mom didn't know if she really had something wrong with her and kept crying and wouldn't let him go. This made him even more worried.
This fact has been established.”
"Most of the property of the party at fault for the affair has nothing to do with my mother. The result of the divorce is obvious. In the end, I was awarded to my mother and my father paid the alimony. I was confused during the whole process, and the shadow of the world shrouded me.
Around me, I didn’t dare to make a sound to the outside world until the dust settled.”
"My mother only found out from me that my father had cheated on me after we got divorced. After she found out, she beat me hard and called me a loser, a heartless white-eyed wolf...that beat me up.
I still remember it to this day.”
Lin Xiaoya closed her eyes, and a drop of tear flashed from the corner of her eyes. She chuckled and continued: "That nightmare didn't end until I graduated from elementary school. My mother left me with my grandma, and she said she was going with her luggage.
She was working in another city... But I actually saw her that day, and she left with a strange man. When she left, her expression was very relaxed, as if some burden had been lifted."
"In this short period of time, I went from a child with a happy family to a strange child whose parents were divorced. I began to be silent and did not speak, partly because of autism, and partly because of low self-esteem."
"Although my mother agreed to pay living expenses every month before she left, she actually left every month. The same goes for my father. When it came time to ask for money, they were like kicking a ball.
Just throwing me around."
"I don't have a new skirt or new shoes. When others go to the cafeteria to eat, I eat the cold meal I brought alone in the classroom..."
"It's really hard to live in such a day."
"Do you think I am particularly vain and materialistic?" Lin Xiaoya suddenly asked with a chuckle: "Obviously there are people with more difficult family conditions, but they can live well, be kind and strong, but I just don't have
New clothes, new shoes, not eating well makes me feel like the sky is falling..."
"No." Ning Yuan thought for a moment and said in a deep voice, "You could have endured the darkness if you had never seen the light."
The reason why kindness and strength in hardship is so precious is precisely because many people cannot do this, let alone a girl whose family suddenly encounters such a magical change.
If her outlook on life has not changed and she has always maintained her original kindness, then people can praise her without hesitation. But if she becomes bad because of this, people can't criticize her too much.
"If you have never seen the light..." Lin Xiaoya repeated this sentence, suddenly burst into laughter, and tears welled up unknowingly.
"Perhaps only you can describe the gradual collapse of my three views in such a beautiful way." Lin Xiaoya cried and laughed, shook her head and said softly:
"I used to think it was the light, but in the end they all lied to me, my father lied to me, and my mother also lied to me."
"Perhaps from that time on, I had an instinctive fear of intimacy between people." Lin Xiaoya paused and then suddenly laughed: "It seems a bit off topic... Let's go back to junior high school.
"
"After entering junior high school, I became low-self-esteem and silent, but this world is very real: an average-looking girl avoids people and does not communicate with others, eats cold meals brought by the family alone, and only studies in her spare time... Such a girl will
It is regarded as synonymous with being gloomy and withdrawn.”
"But if this girl is quite good-looking, then people will naturally put some beautiful adjectives on her, such as introverted, simple, poor family conditions but diligent and studious." Lin Xiaoya said in a somewhat self-deprecating tone: "
I probably have to thank my parents for giving me a pretty good skin."
"Thanks to this advantage, I soon found my first suitor. He was a sports committee member and had top grades. He was the kind of person who was conceited, smart and arrogant. He thought he had discovered such an innocent person like me.
The girl who was not pretentious started to approach me in some very childish ways, such as stuffing breakfast in my desk, putting milk, and would come over to talk to me when she was on duty."
"Although he was indeed excellent in the eyes of other girls, in my eyes, or in my eyes at that time, he was undoubtedly a disaster. Because soon his girlfriend led someone to find me
.”
When talking about these past events, Lin Xiaoya's eyes showed a clean look. She smiled and said to Ning Yuan: "It's incredible, isn't it? Junior high school students are still children in the eyes of adults, but they have begun to pretend to be mature.
Learn to fall in love."
Ning Yuan smiled noncommittally and said to himself, "You haven't seen how many love letters Lu Jiujiu was stuffed with when she was in junior high school, but there were a lot less in high school."
The youthful and frivolous nature of junior high school students is unmatched at any stage of life. This is where the second grade syndrome comes from.
"His girlfriend is actually in our class. She warned me to stay away from her boyfriend. Don't think that he has fallen in love with me just because he can't bear to see me alone without food and company..."
"To be honest, when I heard this sentence, I wanted to laugh. I thought this girl was unreasonably childish. Although I was not very mature at the time..."
"So, I originally planned to keep a distance from the sports committee member, but I chose another way to play hard to get, to resist and welcome... As long as I maintain the image of innocence and kindness in his mind and make him feel that I have everything under control, then in the end
It’s only a matter of time before we capture him.”
"He soon broke up with that girl because of me. When I hid in the corner and looked at the girl's loss and pain, some kind of indescribable dark joy suddenly emerged in my heart."
"Seeing such a couple that everyone once wished for and wished for separate due to my intervention makes me think of my parents unconsciously."
"Later, they broke up. The sports committee member wanted to be with me, but I refused because I didn't dare to fall in love early and put my studies first. But I didn't refuse his breakfast and milk. He gave him breakfast and milk every day for three years in a row.
I'll bring breakfast and milk."
"It was also from that time that I realized that boys are actually a resource that can be used. Junior high school was just the beginning, and I became more comfortable in high school. As the amount of money that high school students can control increased, I took advantage of those boys
More and more things have been done for me. The rumors about me have become more and more unfavorable..."
"I have turned into what I hated most when I was a child, but I don't think this is anything shameful. If I didn't do this, my grandmother and I would have a much more difficult life than before."
"Although I have always used them to provide me with convenience in life, I did not choose to really associate with any of them. At that time, I clearly realized that studying is what I should do most. I want to
After passing the exam, even if I borrow a student loan, even if I am exhausted from working part-time, I will go to college. I will leave this place, this place that makes me sick and despair."
"But in the end I stayed here to go to college." Lin Xiaoya said softly: "Because I can't worry about my grandmother who brought me up."
"She is very old and her health is not good. If I go to college, I can only come back to see her during winter and summer vacations every year. In that case, I won't be able to see her many times." The girl counted on her fingers: "She
I shouldn’t have to be so tired. I have to find someone to borrow money for my tuition fees now that I’m old.”
"But it was okay. Later I was admitted to college and my scores were very good. My dad heard the news from somewhere and came back to see me once. In fact, his life was not very good these years. His business failed and he ended up going around in circles.
Then I returned to a state-owned enterprise as a small employee, which was completely incomparable to my original position."
"Perhaps he felt that having a daughter who was admitted to a prestigious university would be something to be proud of. After he came back, he secretly did a paternity test without telling me. The final result of the test was that I am his biological daughter."
"He knelt down in front of me and cried while holding the paternity test certificate. A grown man was wailing so hard that many people present were moved. But when I looked at his gray hair, I didn't have any trouble in my heart. I just thought: Oh,
Now someone finally paid for my tuition."
"My dad held a very grand banquet for me to enter higher education. Many people came that day, some whom I had seen before, and some who had not. My classroom teacher and high school teacher watched my dad, who had never met me, drink a glass of wine.
I exchanged glasses with them, and the expressions on their faces were actually quite interesting."
Lin Xiaoya laughed as she spoke: "To this day, I don't know whether my father was really proud of me at that time, or whether he just wanted to have a daughter who was admitted to a prestigious university to cover up his failures in life."
"I don't know when my outlook on life and love began to become distorted, but it was indeed distorted. And I have no intention of correcting it."
"A dark and twisted person like me will probably never be able to establish an intimate relationship with anyone in this life and stay with me until we grow old." Lin Xiaoya smiled and said, "So whether I break up others or use those boys, I have never regretted it.
The things I did."
"This is the retribution I deserve."
Ning Yuan: "..."
"You actually... don't need to torture yourself like this." He was silent for a while and said softly: "I don't know if this sentence is useful now, but... I hope you can understand."
"It's not your fault that your parents divorced."
"None of this is your fault."
Lin Xiaoya was stunned for a moment. She looked at Ning Yuan's sincere and calm eyes and was moved for a moment. She stretched out her hand to wipe the tears from the corner of her eyes. Her nose felt astringent, but she endured it. After all, she still looked up to the sky pretending to be relaxed.
Let the tears flow freely.
It would be great if someone could say this to me at that time.
The scarred heart suddenly felt a touch of warmth. The girl missed this warmth and subconsciously wanted to hold Ning Yuan's hand tightly but found that she did not dare to hold Ning Yuan's hand.
She was stunned again, and the tears she was holding back suddenly burst out like a dam.
It turns out that being scolded, scolded, scorned and hurt by others was not my retribution. My real retribution was that when I really wanted to hold someone's hand one day, I had lost the qualification to stand by his side.