"Xi'er, don't cry, I really want her, I really want-"
Seeing me crying, he nervously held my face and explained, as if he was afraid that I would misunderstand.
I could only look at him with choked eyes, looking for an answer.
"Why? Tell me why you don't want this child? You said you want her, but you give me the feeling that you don't want her, you know? Do you dislike me -"
He lowered his hand on my lips, interrupting my excitement, and said: "Fool, how could I dislike you? You are pregnant with my child, which is a blessing that I have cultivated for several lifetimes, but I can't take it from you."
Life is a bet, understand? Children are important, but you are more important."
I don't understand what he is talking about. Is there something wrong with my body?
Looking at my doubtful eyes, he just smiled fondly and said, "You fool, don't ask. Trust me, we will still have children."
His words have already stated that this child must not be kept, and I must be ruthless to get rid of this child, but how can I let it go.
"No--"
I shook my head, I refused.
For a mother, she must give birth to her child even if it costs her life.
But Dongfang Luo held my head and said with heartache: "Xi'er, don't be like this, don't let me lose you, okay?"
Although he didn't say it explicitly, I knew that if I insisted on giving birth to a child, I would be dead if the child was not born.
And all I can do is accept aborting the child. In order to live well for myself, I have to abort the child.
The situation at this moment, if I don't abort the child, everyone will know, Dongfang Ao will also know, and Lian Yu will be in danger by then.
"I promise you, we will have children in the future, Xi'er, okay?"
Dongfang Luo persuaded me and reassured me, but I couldn't help crying and felt very unfortunate.
I want to be pregnant with his child, but now I am pregnant, but I cannot have it. Why is this?
I really don't understand what I did wrong to deserve this.
What's wrong with him, what's wrong with the child?
-----------------------------------------------
That night, I cried all night, and I cried everything in his arms.
Three days later, in a quiet night, he personally handed me the abortion pill and asked me to drink it.
I had no choice but to drink it and endure the same pain in front of him as when I gave birth to Lianyu.
In order to prevent me from screaming, he asked me to bite his arm until it bled, until my pain was over.
By doing this, he was suffering with me. I knew he didn't want me to bear it alone, and I also knew he felt guilty.
If he hadn't wanted me that night, I wouldn't have been pregnant, and I wouldn't have aborted the baby now.
My broken body cannot bear the burden of pregnancy now. Will I still be able to have children in the future? Can I still have children belonging to me and him?
When I gave birth to Lian Yu, my body was severely damaged, which also led to why Dongfang Luo insisted on letting me abort the child and not let me give birth to it.
"Okay - okay - it's okay, Xi'er, it's okay -"
His soft voice coaxed me who was exhausted, but I just shed a single tear, which was the heartache that could not be concealed.
I know he will see it, I know he will feel the same pain as me, but I just can't control it.