My father - it is too weird to take this as a memorial. When I wrote about death, my father left in front of me. I could never have expected that the death in my novel is the same as the death in reality.
Things unexpectedly overlapped in such a surprising way, which allowed me to truly witness the disappearance of life.
My father went there at 9:35 pm on October 26th. This day happened to be the Double Ninth Festival, also known as the Elderly Day.
The 25th (Sunday) was my turn to take care of my father. At noon that day, I borrowed the doctor’s computer from the cancer hospital and posted the 2,000 words I wrote the night before on the Internet. I knew that my father’s final time was running out.
It is impossible to write more words - but until this time, I did not expect that my father's life has entered the last period.
In the afternoon, my father wanted to defecate, but by this time his body was very weak, his legs were very swollen, and it was difficult to move his body. He could only do it in bed. I put the bedpan on the bed and wanted to help him defecate.
He has not had a bowel movement for six days. What is a common thing for normal people is really an inestimable difficulty for him.
Even though the nurse later helped with an enema, he still couldn't complete the bowel movement on his own. I had to ask the nurse for gloves, plugged his anus with my fingers, and dug out the stool that was as hard as stones bit by bit...
It took at least half an hour to defecate this time, making my father and I sweat all over our bodies. It was okay for me to be sweating, but when my father was almost dry, his condition was relatively stable. After defecation, his condition became very serious.
It took a turn for the worse.
He began to coma, his heart rate was always 140 beats per minute, and his blood pressure was only 9061. The doctor on duty came quickly and gave his father a dopamine booster, but he also told me that my father could not hold on for much longer, and there was nothing the hospital could do.
After my father woke up from a coma, with his consent, my brother and I, on the advice of the doctor, used 120 to take my father home, hoping that he could leave peacefully in the home he was familiar with and where he had lived for nearly 30 years.
At home, my father's condition stabilized quickly. Although he still needed strong painkillers to relieve the pain, he was more conscious and basically able to communicate with his family. Even the next day, which was the afternoon of the 26th, I
I also fed him nearly a bag of milk through a straw.
Because I was worried that the only one I had left at home would not be enough, I took a car for nearly an hour in the evening to get an injection from the cancer hospital just in case I needed it. However, this injection was no longer of use.
Got it
As soon as I got home, my brother told me that my father was dying.
I rushed to his bed. My father was unconscious and breathing became increasingly difficult...
And all I can do is hold his hand and try to let him go on the road with peace of mind...
Five minutes later, my father left. He was 68 years old.
I thought that I was still strong; I thought that since my father had been ill for so long, I was ready to accept the worst outcome. But in fact, when I watched him leave, I only had tears.
———————————— His father’s ancestral home is Zhengding, Hebei. His grandfather passed away due to illness when he was twelve years old. He had to shoulder the responsibilities of being an elder brother and a father while still going to school.
While working or doing business, supporting the family expenses and supporting the younger siblings
Later, my father was admitted to the Tianjin Conservatory of Music. Although he could not get support from his family due to family financial difficulties, he still decided to study. Facts have proved that his father made the right move.
I once saw photos of my father when he was in school. A young man with shabby clothes and a thin face. Compared with his classmates who came from big cities and even returned from overseas, he was an out-and-out country boy. But at that time
, but his father was the monitor of his class - the meaning of the monitor in that era was completely different from that of the monitor in the university now.
Knowledge cannot quickly transform his father's poor financial situation, so he joined the army when he just graduated. This was the only choice for many children from poor families to change their destiny. Even now, this situation still exists.
My father stayed in the army for fifteen years. He worked in the Soldier Acrobatic Troupe of the Guangzhou Military Region and the logistics department of a division of the 41st Army until the summer of 1978, when my father and his family returned to Tianjin to settle down.
When Tianjin settled down, his unit stopped processing all transfer procedures at the end of the year, and the troops went to the front line. In January 1979, the self-defense counterattack began, and some of his comrades stayed on that land forever...
From this point of view, my father is lucky and our whole family is lucky.
Back in Tianjin, the family's financial situation was still not good, and my father's job was not going well either.
My father was engaged in music, but in those days there was no such thing as placement based on specialties. It had always been like, 'a brick for a Communist, you can move it wherever you need it.' In this way, my father worked in a construction company for nearly ten years, until later he was
Only then did I get the opportunity to work in the cultural center.
At this time, my father was over forty, but he achieved the highest achievement in his life.
By chance, my father came into contact with some monks who had returned to secular life in Tianjin’s Dabei Monastery. He learned about the existence of Buddhist music in Tianjin, and his father began a several-year excavation and sorting work.
Things didn't go well at the beginning. First of all, people at that time were still very conservative in their thinking. Many people thought that my father was engaging in feudal superstition, so there was a lot of resistance; and those old artists who had inherited Buddhist music were not willing to show off their skills.
Therefore, even though my father tried hard for a long time, it had no effect.
Later, my father's tenacity came into play. He identified a monk who had returned to secular life with the Buddhist name Ji Lin and the common name Li Lanting as an expert in this field. So he would go to the old man's house whenever he had something to do, and he almost became the old man's friend.
son
Finally, Grandpa Li Lanting (a very kind old man, of course I call him grandpa) was moved by his father and recited a piece of Buddhist music Gongchi Pu (in the form of ancient Chinese simplified musical notation) for his father. As if his father had found a treasure, he recited the music at that time.
Recorded
I still clearly remember the scene of that day. When I came home from school that day, my father was busy listening to recordings and sorting out the music scores. What came out of the pocket tape recorder was a weird singing "May 6, Part 1" that I couldn't understand.
turner……"
In just one night, my father translated the piece into simplified notation and was able to play it. When my father played the piece to Grandpa Li, Grandpa Li was very surprised...
At this point, the door to the revival of Buddhist music in Tianjin was opened by my father. Some ancient scores were compiled one after another. I still remember some of the tracks very clearly: "The Wild Goose Passing the South Tower", "Inverted Golden Lamp", "Elangzi" and "Orchid Plum".
…
The music scores were sorted out, but the difficulty was not over. My father went to many institutions and departments with the compiled and translated scores, but he did not get the attention he deserved. The answer he got was: Tianjin cannot have its own Buddhist music!
His father was not discouraged. He found the famous musician Tian Qing (nowadays, you can see Tian Qing as a judge in many music competitions). At first, Tian Qing did not think that there was Buddhist music in Tianjin, but his father said to him: "Don't be busy yet."
To draw a conclusion, you should listen to a piece first..." Then he turned on the tape recorder and played a piece of Buddhist music that he had compiled. After listening to it for a while, Tian Qing began to rub his hands excitedly and said, "Oh my, there really is Buddhist music in Tianjin...
…”
Until this time, the door to success is completely open
Soon, with the help of Tian Qing, the Tianjin Buddhist Orchestra was established, and the famous calligrapher Gong Wang appointed himself as its leader...
The Encyclopedia of Chinese Audio and Video compiled and published a tape album called "Jingu Sanskrit Music"...
Later, the Tianjin Buddhist Orchestra was invited to perform in Nanyue...
In 1993, the Tianjin Buddhist Orchestra was invited by four European countries to perform abroad (unfortunately, at that time, France was selling Mirage fighter jets to Taiwan, and Sino-French relations were on bad terms, so the trip to France was cancelled)
There is also an episode here. In the 1990s, when the cultural system was facing financial difficulties and invitations were sent from abroad, my father went to the leaders of the district cultural bureau and wanted to apply for a clothing fund for people going abroad. The leader said: There is no money!
My father had no choice but to go to the Municipal Bureau of Culture. The leader of the Municipal Bureau of Culture was delighted to hear: How much do you want? The Municipal Bureau will tell you!
Later, my father found out that because of this incident, the leader of the district cultural bureau was called and scolded by the district mayor. The leader said: If you don’t have money, come to me! If you said you didn’t have money, they went to the city to find the quota area for going abroad this time.
The city bureau is gone, and even future achievements in this matter will be counted with the city bureau, and there will be no credit for the district at all...
You know, it was not easy to go abroad in the 1990s. Unlike now, you can go out and "investigate" with just a few brains. Even if it is the same overseas trip, the content is different. Nowadays, "inspection" when going abroad is to give people a better understanding of the situation.
Giving money to others is equivalent to stimulating consumption; but at that time, people from other countries paid to go abroad, and the other party paid all the expenses.
The discovery and compilation of Tianjin Buddhist music was the most glorious period in my father's life. It is a pity that bad luck could not have happened. If this matter could have happened now, because the country has launched a folk art protection project, special care for the inheritors of folk art and other policies
, the influence of Tianjin Buddhist music will reach a higher level. Unlike now, after the old artists have passed away, "Jingu Sanskrit Music", as music for rituals and Buddha worship, has been used in nondescript ways in daily affairs.
Just like an incident I heard later, a leader was reviewing a folk music performance rehearsal. After listening to a performance of Buddhist music, he said: Why is this music so sad? It doesn’t fit the reality, so don’t play it!
All this can only make my father sigh with regret.
Later, my father took charge of the organization and protection of some unique folk skills. However, because the sports system and the cultural system were competing for credit, the matter was only featured in the Oriental Time and Space column of CCTV. My father no longer had the heart to continue until he retired.
In early 2008, my father was diagnosed with a tumor. In June of that year, he underwent resection surgery at Tianjin General Hospital. The biopsy results afterward showed: malignant fibrous histiocytoma, a severe form of tumor that is insensitive to many drugs.
tumors, the postoperative survival rate is extremely low, and even foreign countries can’t do anything about it
In the year and a half since my father fell ill, he often traveled between the hospital and his family. He also suffered a lot of pain. In his own words: When he left, he felt blessed.
After my father left, I wiped him and shaved him and said, "Dad, it's okay. We are studying Buddhist music and we are not afraid of anything..."