Everyone in the world is negligent in everything they do, but there is only one thing that cannot be neglected when serving the royal family. But there are also things that are negligent. It is not the person who is doing the work, whose property and life are not valuable, nor it is the official who has put the wrong amount of money in the camel bank.
Yes, there are babies in the hospital who are carrying the wrong baby, and there are computers that are malfunctioning, and there are mistakes in all these small jobs. Don’t the rough guys who care about pigs and goats just make some mistakes and get distracted? Wrong, wrong, wrong! So what if it’s wrong?
Because it’s so long ago that I can’t remember which dynasty or generation it was. Anyway, there is such a thing. It is a ridiculous thing and a rare thing. I will tell you for fun.
The little boy Pan You'an, it's unknown where he lives. His mother died when he was five years old, and his father died when he was eight years old. He was really a miserable boy. He spent two years hanging out with relatives and neighbors. When he was ten years old, the royal family issued a notice calling for eunuchs, relatives and neighbors.
The family is really unable to support it. I don’t know who came up with a bad idea. It’s better to send them to the royal family to eat a bowl of official food. Although they are clean and look like men but are not men, they are still doing the same job. It’s not as good as serving a bowl of food like this.
How many times better is a meal at home? When everyone said yes, they immediately went to tear up the imperial list.
Xiao Pan was just a ten-year-old boy who didn't know what it was to be clean. He just thought he was a good errand. Hearing that he had food to eat and bright clothes, and that the place was crowded and lively, he didn't need anyone to persuade him, so he happily left with them again.
After riding a donkey and riding a car, it was a bumpy ride for several days. When he arrived at a place, Xiao Pan opened his eyes and took a look: Ah! It has high walls and wide doors, magnificent houses, spacious places, and a lot of people. It is really a good place. After allocating a place to live,
, first gave them a delicious meal, and then sent someone to give them a bath one by one. After they were cleaned, each person changed into a set of new clothes according to their size, height, shortness, fatness, and thinness.
The little brothers and brothers who came with Xiao Pan were all in different situations. Some were one or two years older than him, some were one or two years younger than him, or they were the same age. Regardless of other conveniences, some had better family backgrounds than him, and some were poorer than him.
Life is so miserable that some people are overjoyed and some are crying. Naturally, Xiao Pan belongs to the happy group. He grew up eating food from thousands of families and wearing clothes from hundreds of families. He didn't beg for food because he was lucky. To be in such a good place
In this place, some people are not satisfied and cry and cry. What does it look like?
The next morning, a man came who didn't look like an aunt and an uncle who didn't look like an uncle. Everyone called him Eunuch Yang. Xiao Pan only knew that there were rams and ewes in their village. It was the first time for him to call someone "goat, bull".
It is said that
Eunuch Yang used his drake voice to teach a dozen of them. The first day of class was to carry a urinal. Xiao Pan had done this job before. He often did it for the relatives and neighbors where he stayed, so he learned
He was the fastest, and was praised by Eunuch Yang more than once for this! When learning to carry a urinal in class, there is no difference except for the expression and posture. Eunuch Yang said, firstly, you cannot frown, secondly, you cannot curl your lips, and thirdly, you cannot cover your nose.
These are not difficult tasks, just don’t think of urine as urine, think of it as a bowl of fragrant soup or something, and all problems will be solved. The second day is to learn to sweep the floor, the third day is to make the bed and fold the quilt, the fourth day, and the fifth day
God... I have been studying for fifty days. My friends are tired of learning and are trying to change some new tricks every day.
The day for new tricks finally came. The uncle or aunt named Eunuch Yang stood in front of them with a serious face. He (she) said:
"Babys, after today, you will be real eunuchs. What is a eunuch? A eunuch is a man without a dick or a beard. The eunuch's task is to serve the emperor and everyone around him. Do you hear that, you little bastards?
"
The little kid didn't know the stakes. Not only did he not answer "yes", but Eunuch Yang's arrogance caused them to burst into childish laughter.
Unexpectedly, Eunuch Yang, who had always been kind, suddenly became furious. He (she) shouted sternly: "Why are you laughing? I am just an old eunuch. I was cut off when I was your age and have been in this position for fifty years."
"The eunuch"
Only then did everyone realize that Eunuch Yang was an old man without a penis.
"It's good to be a eunuch!" Eunuch Yang said, "It's a trivial matter to be popular and drink well, and silk and satin are not that important. From now on, you will live the life of gods. Do you know what gods are, you little bastards?
Good days are waiting for you! You can taste the ups and downs in the future by yourself!"
After Eunuch Yang said this, he didn't know whether he touched a painful spot or an itchy spot, but he made a series of weird noises that didn't sound like crying or laughing.
After Eunuch Yang finished his training, it was time for the little kids to play the game of cutting the cock. Naturally, there were thousands of people with different faces and different attitudes, and a bunch of little kids who didn't understand anything kept pestering Eunuch Yang to cut the cock.
Does the chicken hurt? Eunuch Yang said it didn’t hurt. He only pulled a little skin and it would be fine after a while. But the little guys were still worried. Some were worried, some had playful smiles, some were indifferent, some were indifferent, and some were grinning.
Some were crying, and some were smiling with their mouths open. When they were carried out, they all looked the same, with a white cloth covering their heads, a black cloth covering their faces, and a small quilt covering their bodies. If they hadn't seen their stomachs bulging occasionally,
Yes, I thought they were all little dead people.
When Pan You'an went in, Eunuch Yang also followed him in. He looked up and saw four or five big men, all holding knives and forks in their hands, looking at him fiercely. When he got scared, he turned around and wanted to run out, but was killed by one of them.
The man lifted him up by his neck, like a hawk catching a chicken, and then he pushed him down on the bed. He started dancing with his arms and legs, and cried at the top of his lungs. After a while, he was unconscious.
When Pan Youan woke up, the kind Eunuch Yang was sitting next to him. Eunuch Yang twisted his face and told him seriously:
"Kid, remember, from today on, you can't pee standing up, and you can't pee in a place with people, otherwise your little life will be gone, and my old life will have to be sacrificed. No one can tell you that you have it*
Did you hear about **?"
Although Xiao Pan didn't quite understand what his father-in-law meant, seeing that he was serious about what he said and that his life was at stake, he nodded vigorously even though he felt a little nervous.
Eunuch Yang told many more things to pay attention to, and Xiao Pan could remember them all. As soon as the old eunuch went out, Pan Youan impatiently touched his body: It's strange, his penis is still there?